Living With the Choices We've Made
by Birdieq
Summary: Slightly AU. Takes place in season 5. Addison never left Seattle and deals with the consequences of a momentary lapse in judgement. Addex friendship, maybe more later on.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay guys, don't hate me. I know I need to update Perfect Doesn't Last, and I will -** _ **maybe**_ **tomorrow, definitely this week though - but I was watching some old Grey's clips on YouTube and came across one for 3x05 that reminded me of a story I came up with many, many years ago. Remember the divorced couple that kept running into each other at work and ended up in the ER because they had sex and his piercing got stuck on her IUD. Yeah. That inspired me. The story never made it out of my head at the time, but now it needs to.**

 **It takes place in season 5 with some changes. Meredith and Derek actually do get married. Alex and Izzie are not a couple. Most importantly, Addison never left Seattle.**

Addison Montgomery opened the door and peeked out before making her escape, hoping no one had noticed her ex-husband leaving that same on-call room just minutes before. Thankfully it was quite late, and she made it to her car unnoticed. She grimaced as she caught her reflection in the rear-view mirror, all tangled hair and smudged makeup. _What has gotten into me?_ she wondered. She didn't know; in fact, at that moment the only thing she knew for sure was that for someone so smart, she sure was lacking in the decision-making skills department sometimes.

It had all started innocently enough. She'd had a rotten day. After being stuck in the hospital for nearly 48 hours straight with a ridiculous number of cases including three high-risk laboring mothers, an emergency c-section that resulted in the death of both mother and child, and a risky fetal surgery that went as planned but was, nevertheless, nerve-wracking, she was completely exhausted. On top of that, she'd just broken up with her boyfriend, a pediatric oncologist. To be honest, there was no spark between them and he wasn't worth the tears, but it was depressing to find herself alone yet again while everyone else around her was happily paired up - Derek and Meredith were getting married in just a few days, Mark had recently proposed to Lexie, and Callie was getting friendly with that cute new peds surgeon. And so she found herself in an on-call room bawling her eyes out and feeling sorry for herself.

Things would have been fine if it stayed at that, but no, of course that didn't happen. Derek, just out of an emergency surgery and not wanting to leave the hospital until his patient was out of the woods, also found her in an on-call room bawling her eyes out and feeling sorry for herself. That unfortunate discovery led to him sitting next to her, which led to him taking her pale, slender hand in his, and her resting her weary head on his shoulder, which led to talking and, somehow, though she can't remember quite how, that led to kissing, and wandering hands, and, ultimately, her lying alone and sweaty with no clue where her panties were after Derek apologized awkwardly and made his hasty exit.

The next couple days were spent trying to avoid Derek and Meredith; she was, aside from one awkwardly silent but unavoidable elevator ride with Derek, successful and after that the newlyweds were gone for a two-week honeymoon, giving her guilty conscience a much-needed reprieve.

Finally the lovebirds returned. Derek was hell-bent on avoiding Addison, which was fine by her, but she seemed to run into Meredith at every turn; the resident was pleasant and chatty and eventually Addison calmed down. _He didn't tell her. He won't tell her. Everything's fine_ she told herself.

And everything was fine, for almost a month. Then one day Callie entered the attendings' lounge to find Addison slumped on a couch sipping ginger ale. "There you are! Where have you been?" she asked as she dropped into a chair across from the redhead, whom she hadn't seen in three days.

"Praying to the porcelain god," Addison groaned as she forced down a saltine. "I don't know what kind of stomach bug is going around, but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."

"That sucks. Don't get too close. Arizona and I have a little getaway planned for this weekend."

"Don't worry. I have one surgery I absolutely need to be here for this morning, and then I'm taking my germs and going back home."

Callie's pager went off and she jumped up. "Gotta run. Hope you're feeling better soon."

"Thanks."

Addison just barely made it through her surgery and went home. She spent the next three days much the same as the previous three. By Monday morning she wasn't feeling much better but couldn't miss any more work so she dragged herself out of bed and to the hospital, where she ran into a very perky Callie in the lounge. "You still not over that thing? You look like shit," the younger woman teased.

"And you look like you spent the weekend having mind-blowing sex," Addison noted dryly.

"Yeah, I did," Callie admitted with a grin before turning the focus back on her friend. "So, have you gotten checked out? I mean, it's been what, a week?"

"It's just a bug. I'm fine," Addison insisted as she swatted at Callie, who was reaching over to feel her forehead.

"You don't have a fever. How about chills?" Addison shook her head. "Abdominal pain? Diarrhea?"

"Nope. Just an upset stomach."

"Are you _sure_ it's just a stomach bug?" Callie asked with raised eyebrows.

"Well, yeah. What else would it be?"

"You're the OB/GYN, you tell me."

Addison's head snapped up. "What? No. No. Definitely not. No way!"

"Really? Because I'm not convinced, and I'm not sure you are either," Callie said with a snicker as she studied her friend's shocked face. "When's the last time you had sex?"

Addison thought for a minute. "About...seven weeks," she admitted as what little color she had drained from her face. "But I can't be! You remember when I went to see my friend Naomi in LA? She said I was infertile. I have a zero percent chance of getting pregnant. It's a stomach bug. That's all."

"You keep telling yourself that, and get back to me once you take a test." Callie chuckled and hurried off for her first surgery of the day.

By the time the two ran into each other they were heading out the door. "So? Did you…?" she asked as they walked to their cars.

Addison groaned. "You were right." There was no doubt; one pregnancy test could be wrong, but three?

Callie squealed and threw her arms around Addison. "I knew it! Congratulations! Or...not. What's the matter? I thought you wanted a baby?"

"I did! I _do_...I just...this isn't how I planned it."

"So, who's the father? The oncologist?"

"Ew, no. Just...no. He could barely kiss, forget about _that_. It was...a one night stand." Addison's face told Callie not to push it any more.

"Well, I'm here for you. Whatever you decide, I am here for moral support, okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight. See you tomorrow."

 **Okay, so this chapter was a bit rushed and I just glossed over a lot of stuff because I just want to get into the important stuff but what do you think?**


	2. Chapter 2

The following week Addison had an early morning appointment with her OB/GYN across town. She left with the confirmation that she was indeed about eight weeks pregnant. She went to work after, rounded on her patients, got through her first surgery of the day, and was in the cafeteria attempting to eat a salad when Callie found her. "So, your appointment was this morning, right? How did that go?" she asked as she set her tray down.

Addison looked up at Callie and pushed the salad away. "Eight weeks along and everything looks good."

"And have you decided yet?"

"I'm keeping it. This is a chance I never thought I'd have, and I'm taking it. Hopefully it doesn't kill me." She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before sipping her ginger ale.

"Morning sickness isn't any better?" Addison shook her head. "Aww. It'll go away soon. Hang in there," Callie said sympathetically. "So, have you told anyone yet?"

"No. Given my age it's kind of high-risk so I think I want to wait until I'm out of the first trimester, just in case. So keep your mouth shut."

"My lips are sealed." Callie reached over and hugged Addison. "Ugh, I'm just so excited for you!"

Addison grinned. "Yeah, so am I."

The next few weeks flew by, and before she knew it Addison was two days away from her twelve week appointment. She was on her way to the ER for a consult when she started feeling dizzy and next thing she knew she was waking up on a gurney, with an intern starting an IV in her left arm while another drew blood from the right. "What happened?" she inquired as she tried to sit up, only to collapse back on the pillow as her head started to spin again.

"You passed out in the hallway," Miranda Bailey explained from the doorway before shooing the interns away. "You're severely dehydrated. You been sick lately?"

Addison knew she had to come clean and motioned for Bailey to come closer. "I'm pregnant," she admitted once she was sure no one else was in the room. "The morning sickness has been awful."

"Well, congratulations!" Miranda said as she hugged Addison. "How far along?"

"I have my twelve week checkup on Thursday. I didn't want to tell anyone until after that."

"Well, how about we check on that little bean now, just to be on the safe side?" Addison nodded in agreement. "I'll call for an OB consult. Hang tight."

Fifteen minutes later Addison was puking in a basin as Bailey returned with one of the OB attendings in tow. "Doctor Montgomery, I hear congratulations are in order," Leslie Adams said with a grin, once Addison was done throwing up, as she got the ultrasound machine ready. "Okay, let's see how we're doing. This will be a little cold," she warned out of habit before squirting the gel on Addison's belly.

Tears filled Addison's eyes as she saw a flicker on the screen and her baby's heartbeat filled the room. "There she is," she squealed with a dopey grin. "I mean, I know it's too early to tell, but I feel like it's a girl."

"Well, whatever it is, it's spot on for twelve weeks and everything looks good." Doctor Adams printed a few pictures and handed them to Addison. "Now, about the morning sickness. How bad is it?"

"It's bad. Some days I barely make it an hour without throwing up. I was hoping it would get better by now, but the last couple days have been the worst yet."

"And have you lost any weight?"

"About ten pounds. Maybe a little more. I actually called my OB the other day and asked her to give me a prescription for Zofran, but she said the morning sickness is normal at this stage and she thinks it's unnecessary to prescribe anything this early."

"Well, as I'm sure you suspect, I think we're looking at hyperemesis gravidarum. You could have asked me and I would have written the prescription."

"You know how people talk around here. I just wanted to keep it under wraps until I hit the second trimester," Addison explained.

"Totally understandable. But since we're here I'll go ahead and write the prescription. As you know, it may not be one hundred percent effective, but hopefully it'll be enough to keep this from happening again. But if not, don't wait,so long to get fluids, okay?" Addison nodded. "Good. Now, I want you to get another liter of saline after this, and then, as long as your vitals are good, you're free to resume normal activity."

"Okay. Thank you so much." With the obstetrician gone and over an hour to kill Addison thought she'd get some sleep but first one of the interns appeared with her first dose of Zofran and then Callie popped into the room.

"Hey, I heard you were here. Everything okay?"

"It's all good. Just a little dehydrated. Doctor Adams did an ultrasound and the baby looks great."

"Awesome. Can't stay, but I'm glad you're okay. Let me know if you need anything."

Soon Addison was back to work, feeling much better after the fluids and Zofran. Later that afternoon she spotted Derek coming down the hall. She took a deep breath as he approached. "Hey, Derek, you got a minute?" she asked, nodding towards an empty room.

"Not much more than that. What's up?" he asked nervously as he followed her into the room.

Addison bit her lip. "Okay, well, there was a little...incident this morning. You know how rumors spread around here, so I thought I should tell you before you hear it from someone else. I...I'm pregnant."

"O-kaaaaay, well, congratulations, I guess?"

"Derek, I'm twelve weeks along." She could see the wheels turning in his head. "It's yours."

Derek's face instantly hardened. "Are you sure?"

"One hundred percent."

"I assume you'll be...taking care of this one, too?"

Addison crossed her arms and glared at him. "No, actually, I'm keeping it."

"Addison, you can't do this! Meredith and I are married, we're happy. We're ready to start a family."

"Look, I'm not asking for your permission to have this baby, and I'm certainly not asking for your help. I'm more than capable of raising this child on my own. I just...thought you deserved to know. If you want to be involved in her life, this is your chance, otherwise my lips are sealed. No one will ever know you're the father."

"I want nothing to do with this. I gotta go." Derek stormed off, leaving Addison fighting back tears. She had figured Derek wouldn't want to be involved, but she hadn't expected him to be this angry. She brushed the tears away and headed to the neonatal unit, where she immediately ran into Alex.

"Hey, everything okay?" he asked when he noticed she'd been crying. They'd gotten over the awkwardness from their little fling a few years ago and were now friends - at work, anyways, they didn't hang out together outside of work but they got along well - and Alex was working with her in neonatal.

"Yeah, great," she said, forcing a smile. "Just a little hormonal. Might as well let you in on the secret now that the cat's out of the bag. I, um, I'm pregnant."

"Oh, well, congratulations. Who's the lucky father?"

Addison cringed. Of course Alex would ask that. "Sperm donor. Just the two of us," she lied as she rubbed her practically nonexistent bump.

Alex shrugged. "Hey, whatever works for you. Now, as long as you're here, I have some concerns about the Greene baby," he said as he steered her towards the nursery.


	3. Chapter 3

Since the secret was out Addison decided to have her file transferred to Dr. Adams, knowing it would be easier to see her than to travel across town for appointments. Four weeks later she had her next appointment, and afterwards she could barely keep the smile off her face.

"Look at you! You're glowing!" Callie observed when they crossed paths a little later.

"It's a girl!" Addison squealed, and Callie hugged her excitedly. "I knew it! Now I can finally go shopping. You doing anything after work?"

"Yeah, Arizona and I are going out to dinner and the movies."

"Okay, what about this weekend?"

"Yeah, we have reservations at that bed and breakfast up north…"

"Oh. So you two are getting pretty serious, huh?"

Callie grinned from ear to ear. "Yeah. She's...pretty great. Amazing, really. Look, I'm really sorry, but we'll go next weekend, I promise. Okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Have fun this weekend."

Although she was unsuccessful in her attempts to rope anyone into shopping, Addison decided to go out after work anyways. By the time she dragged herself home she had picked out the paint and furniture for the nursery and snagged a few little outfits she couldn't pass up. By the following weekend she had the room painted a soft pink with cream trim.

On Saturday morning she picked Callie up and they headed to the mall. The first store they hit up was Babies r Us. "Okay, what first? Furniture?" Callie asked.

"No, I got that already, but I need some decor for the nursery. But probably not from here. I don't want to do any of those cutesy themes with animals or whatever…" Addison mused as she grabbed a cart and started perusing the aisles. Soon she had the cart piled with a baby bathtub, towels, washcloths, and toiletries and was moving on to the clothing.

Callie watched as she picked out onesies and sleepers. "Don't you want to put some of that on your registry?" she suggested.

Addison looked confused. "Huh?"

"Um, your registry. You know, for your baby shower?"

Addison snorted. "Baby shower? And who would come to this baby shower? You? And maybe Miranda?"

"Oh, come on. We can do a jack and jill party. It'll be fun. You're friends with Derek, and you get along with Meredith, they'd come." Addison rolled her eyes, but held off on telling Callie why that was a bad idea. "And Mark, so of course we'll have to invite Lexie."

"I don't think so," Addison interrupted. "I think Mark's still salty that I'm having this baby when I didn't have his…"

"Oh. Bummer. But we can invite your friends from out of town. And your mom."

Addison frowned as she dropped an armload of socks and little knit caps into the already overflowing cart. "Bizzy wants nothing to do with the baby. I'm surprised she didn't drop dead of a heart attack when I told her I was having a baby on my own."

"That sucks. But she'll come around eventually," Callie said optimistically.

"Oh, you don't know Bizzy. As far as she's concerned I have disgraced the whole family. But it's fine, I expected about as much. It's fine. And really, I don't need a shower, so drop it."

"Fine." Callie scowled but could tell Addison was getting agitated so she let it go as they came to the stroller aisle. "But you're letting me buy the stroller. And this time I'm not taking no for an answer," she declared before Addison could protest.

By the time they were done an employee had to pile the stroller on a flatbed - along with a car seat, high chair, and bassinet - and help them load everything into Addison's SUV. "So, are we done?" Callie asked.

"No! She needs clothes! She can't wear pajamas all the time!"

Callie laughed. "Of course she can't. She is your daughter, after all." They went back inside and before long Addison was lugging a half dozen bags from The Children's Place, Baby Gap and Macy's.

"Okay. Now she's hungry," Addison declared as she rubbed her still-tiny bump.

"What are you in the mood for?"

"Well, I want a nice, healthy salad...but she wants a bacon cheeseburger and fries. And maybe ice cream."

Callie raised her eyebrows. "So, I guess those meds are finally working?"

"Today they are. Some days are better than others. Yesterday I could barely keep down water and saltines but I feel pretty good so far today. Might as well take advantage."

Once her belly was full Addison was starting to feel a bit tired so they decided to call it a day. "Thank you for coming with me. I had so much fun," she said as she pulled into Callie's driveway.

"Aw, any time. It's starting to feel real now. I can't wait to meet that little peanut!" Callie said as she reached over to hug Addison. "Now you go take a nap, mama. I'll see you Monday."

A few days later Addison and Alex were discussing a case when she noticed him studying her face. "What?"

He brushed her hair away from her forehead to reveal a large bruise on her right temple. "What the hell did you do to yourself?"

Addison blushed and stared at the floor. "I was trying to put the crib together…the headboard fell over and hit me," she muttered.

"And were you successful?"

"No…but you know, I'm not due for almost twenty-three weeks yet, and she'll probably sleep in the bassinet in my room for the first month or so anyways, so it's not like I need it right away..."

Alex couldn't hold back his laughter. "You're telling me the great Addison Montgomery can operate on a fetus still in the womb, but can't follow the instructions to assemble a crib?" he teased as she turned even redder.

"Oh, and you think you can?" she challenged.

"You bet your sweet ass I can," he boasted.

"Okay, fine. Sunday morning. You get the crib and changing table put together, and I'll buy lunch. Deal?"

"Well, I never pass up free food so yeah. It's a deal."


	4. Chapter 4

On Sunday morning Alex followed the directions Addison had given him and arrived in front of a large white two-story home promptly at ten. "Wow, nice place," he commented when she let him in.

"Thanks. Can I get you anything before we get started? Water? Coffee? Tea?"

"Coffee would be great." She poured two cups and led him upstairs to the nursery.

"He picked up the instruction sheet and studied it for a minute. "Piece of cake," he boasted as he knelt down to get started.

"She sat down in the rocking chair, one leg drawn up and chin resting on her knee. "You know, I really do appreciate this," she said.

"It's no big deal. Like I said, I'll do just about anything for free food." What he didn't say was that he would have done it without free food, too.

"Still. You work a lot and it was nice of you to give up a day off for this."

By eleven thirty Alex had the crib and changing table assembled. "It's early for lunch. What else you got? You want me to get that set up?" He pointed at a long box containing a closet organization system.

"Oh, you don't have to. That's gonna be a pain in the ass," she explained, not wanting to take advantage of his kindness.

"Look, I'm here, the tools are out, we have time. Let's just get it done," he said as he tore the box open.

Two hours later, after a little swearing and a lot of laughter the organizer was finished. "Okay, let's go eat," she said once the tools were put away.

He stopped her as she went to grab her keys. "I'll drive. You just point me in the right direction."

She directed him to a little hole-in-the-wall deli a few miles away. "It doesn't look like much but believe me, they make the best chicken soup and their sandwiches are to die for," she informed him as they approached the building.

"He held the door for her and they went inside. "Have you tried the shaved steak sub?" he asked as he scanned the menu.

"No. Sounds good, though." She eventually chose the chicken soup and a turkey club sandwich, while he went with the shaved steak and tomato soup. "Oh, that looks amazing," she said, practically drooling over his sub as the waitress set the plates in front of them.

"Here, try it." He held out half of the sub. She took a bite, then offered him a bite of her sandwich. "Not bad. Shame on you for keeping this place to yourself all this time. You sure you don't have anything else to put together next weekend?"

"Careful what you wish for," she warned. "I'm sure there will be more projects requiring assistance in the next few months."

"Well, I'm your guy. Don't forget that."

"Once they were finished she convinced him to go to the ice cream place down the street. "Ella likes ice cream. Especially strawberry."

"Ella?"

"That's what I'm calling her. Short for Eleanora. Eleanora Jane, I think. Or maybe Eleanora Katherine. I'm not sure yet."

"I like Eleanora Jane. It's simple, classic. But they're both nice," he decided as he studied the ice cream flavors, eventually picking mint chocolate chip. They got their cones to go and headed home.

"Thanks again for your help. I really appreciate it. See you tomorrow," Addison said as she hopped out of the car.

The next morning Callie ambushed Addison in the parking lot. "So, I thought you were over the lines of deliciousness," she called as her friend got out of her car.

Addison jumped a mile. "Jesus, Cal, you,scared the shit out of me! And I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, don't think I didn't see you and Karev leaving that ice cream place looking all cozy," Callie teased.

"Stop it. We're just friends. He helped me with the nursery furniture, so I took him out to lunch. That's it," she insisted, though Callie couldn't help but notice her cheeks turning pink.

"Yeah, whatever you say, Montgomery. Whatever you say…"

"I mean it! He made it very clear that he wasn't interested last time. Besides, I'm having a baby! This is not the time to be getting into any relationship nonsense. We're friends, nothing more and nothing less. Just friends," Addison said firmly.

"Okay. Just friends."


	5. Chapter 5

"Karev. You, uh, you think you'll be hungry tomorrow?" Addison asked as the two met in front of the elevator.

Alex laughed. "What needs to be put together now?"

"A bookcase. And the light fixture needs to be hung, and a few other little odds and ends." She paused when she noticed him staring at her belly. "What?"

"You're showing." She'd had a bump for a while, but unless you knew she was pregnant, it wasn't noticeable under her scrubs until now. It still wasn't huge, but it was big enough that it could no longer be concealed by a scrub top.

"I know! Isn't it great? Maybe now people will stop asking if I'm actually pregnant. Do they really think I'd lie about that?"

"They're just jealous that you're twenty-eight weeks along and still totally hot," Alex explained, making her blush.

"Oh, would you stop that?" She was playfully shoving him away when the elevator stopped on the maternity ward and they found themselves face to face with Meredith.

"Oh good, just the person I'm looking for." Meredith sighed, looking relieved.

"What's up, Mere?"

"Not you. You can go take care of babies or whatever." Alex gave her a confused stare and she shooed him away. "Go!" Once he was halfway down the hall she turned to Addison and started rambling nervously. "Okay, so, Adams is my doctor, but she's scrubbing in for surgery right now and I'm bleeding. It's probably nothing, but -"

Addison interrupted her. "You're...pregnant?"

"Yeah. Ten weeks. I'm not cramping or anything, but I went to the bathroom and there was blood. Not a lot -"

"Probably just spotting, but let's go see," Addison said reassuringly as she steered the younger woman towards an empty room, grabbing a gown on the way. "Get changed. I'll be back."

A few minutes later Meredith was changed and Addison returned with the ultrasound machine. "Addison, what's wrong?" Meredith asked as Addison stared intently at the screen.

"Nothing." Addison bit her lip as she moved the wand around, then grinned. "That is your baby," she announced, pointing to a little blob. "And that," she pointed to another blob, "is your other baby, and both are just fine."

"Other baby?" Meredith choked out, looking pale.

"You're having twins. Congratulations."

"Twins. There's...two?"

"That is what twins means, so yes."

"Two babies."

"Doctor Grey, are you okay?" Addison was glad Meredith was lying down, because she was pretty sure the woman would have fallen over if she was standing.

"Yeah I just...when Derek and I started talking about having kids, _this_ never even crossed my mind! Two! At the same time!"

"Surprise. So, everything looks good but I'd like to do a full exam just to be sure. Is that okay?"

"Yeah."

A few minutes later the exam was over and Addison was positive Meredith was just spotting. "Everything's fine. You, uh, you want me to page Derek and we can break the news to him?"

Meredith nodded. Addison was waiting at the nurses' station when he arrived. "What do you have?" he asked curtly. They still hadn't spoken since the day she told him she was pregnant.

She fought back the urge to snap at him. "I have to show you something. Follow me."

"Show me something? I thought I was here for a consult. I'm busy, you know."

"And I'm busy too! Now just shut up and come with me." She dragged him down the hall and shoved him into the room.

"Meredith."

"Hey."

"What...what's wrong? Is everything okay?" he stammered as he rushed to her side.

"Everything's fine. I was bleeding, but Addison says it's just spotting."

"You're sure?" he asked Addison as she got the machine set up again.

"Very sure." She turned the screen so he could see it. "Your wife and both of your babies are just fine."

For the first time in nearly four months he smiled at her. "Both? We're having twins?"

"You are. Congratulations."

"Oh my God! We're having twins!" He bent down and kissed Meredith, then rounded the bed and embraced Addison. "We're having twins! And they're okay!"

"Yes. Twins. And they're fine," she repeated as she backed away. "Now, uh, if you'll excuse me I have patients to check on." She hurried out of the room, but Derek was hot on her heels and cornered her at the end of the hall. "Derek, this is not the time or place for this," she whispered ferociously, afraid of what he was going to say, but when she finally met his gaze his eyes were soft.

"Addison, please. I just want to apologize for...that day. It...you caught me off guard. It's not your fault. We both messed up. I overreacted, and I'm sorry."

"Okay. I...forgive you. And, uh, my lips are still sealed. As far as anyone knows, I got a sperm donor. Except Callie. She found out before I had time to come up with anything so as far as she knows it was a one-night stand with some guy I met in a bar."

He nodded appreciatively. "Thanks. Okay, I better go. I'll, uh, I'll see you around." He headed back to Meredith and she went to round on her patients, feeling as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

The next morning Alex arrived at Addison's house and presented her with a box of jelly buns. "Hey, I'm supposed to be feeding you. You play handyman, and I buy the food. That's how this works," she protested.

"Yeah, well, they're not for you, they're for Ella. They're strawberry."

"Oh, well, in that case how could I refuse?" She went to the kitchen, got out two plates, poured two cups of coffee - she offered to make regular for him but he insisted decaf was fine - and sat down. "Oh my God. These are amazing," she gushed as she wiped a blob of strawberry filling off her chin. "Ella says thank you." Suddenly she laughed and grabbed his hand. "She really does like it!" she said as she placed his hand on her belly.

"Whoa! I think you have a soccer player in there! Is this the first time you've felt her move?"

"She's been moving around for a while, but it's the first time I've felt her kick like that. You know, you'd think being pregnant would be the most mundane thing after working with pregnant women for so long, but then something like this happens and it just blows my mind. It's amazing. It's so ordinary, women get pregnant all the time but it still feels like a miracle." Her cheeks were glowing as she laughed again and rubbed her belly.

Her joy was contagious and he had to smile. "You are so beautiful," he blurted out. "I must say this whole pregnancy thing really suits you."

Her radiant glow turned to a deep blush as she turned away and took another bite of the donut. "You're still not getting in my pants."

"Not yet. But I am a very patient man," he retorted as he reached over and brushed powdered sugar off her cheek.

She swatted his hand away and scowled. "Just eat your damn donut and go put my bookshelf together," she barked with mock sternness.

Alex laughed and stuffed the rest of the jelly bun in his mouth. "You know you love me," he boasted after washing it down with his coffee.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever." But she didn't argue because he wasn't wrong.

Upstairs he gravitated towards the box containing the bookcase, but she stopped him. "Here, can you hang there first?" she asked, handing him a couple of shelves. "These two go over the crib, and I want those three over the changing table," she added, pointing to three smaller shelves. "I already marked out where I want them, you just have to put them up."

It didn't take Alex long to hang the shelves, and then he moved on to the bookcase. While he assembled it she pulled some bags from the closet and started setting framed art prints, a floral arrangement, and knick knacks on the shelves, then hung an ornate, gilded mirror above the dresser.

Alex finished the bookcase and set it in place before admiring her handiwork. "Bunnies, huh?" he asked as he examined two antique ceramic rabbits on one of the shelves. Several of the prints featured rabbits, and there were bunnies on the crib sheet as well. "I thought you didn't want any tacky animal theme," he teased, as she'd told him the same thing she'd told Callie.

"They're not tacky. They're subtle. And cute," she informed him.

He had to agree that the nursery was anything but tacky. Done up with shades of pink and ivory, with gold accents, it looked worthy of a magazine spread. The light fixture he would be hanging next, which was actually a small, antique, crystal chandelier, was the perfect finishing touch. While he tackled that she quickly filled the bookcase with stacks of books and toys. "Wow. This is amazing. You do good work."

"Yeah, well, I have a good helper," she admitted as she threw an arm around his shoulder. "Come on, let's go eat. Ella's hungry again."

 **Okay, there you have it. A little merder surprise, some more lowkey Addex flirtation...what do you think? Only twelve more weeks to go for Addie! I'll probably squeeze in a few more chapters before Ella makes her big debut. Thoughts? Suggestions? Predictions?**


	6. Chapter 6

Two weeks later Addison and Alex were leaving the hospital. "You, um, you got somewhere to go, or you want to go grab a bite to eat?" Addison asked as they headed to their cars. It was Thanksgiving and both of them had volunteered to work since neither had family to spend the holiday with.

"Yeah, Mere told me to come over when I got out. She invited everyone. I'm sure Izzie is doing most of the cooking, though, because Mere can screw up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

"Oh. That sounds nice. Have fun." She smiled, but he thought he detected a hint of sadness in her eyes.

"You should come."

"I'm not crashing Thanksgiving at my ex-husband and his pr...his wife's house." She shot him a nervous glance, hoping he hadn't caught her slip. As far as she knew Derek and Meredith hadn't announced the pregnancy yet, and she didn't want to ruin the surprise.

Luckily he was oblivious. "Oh, come on! They won't mind. Everyone will be there. O'Malley, Yang, Sloan, little Grey…"

Addison cringed. "Yeah, no. I'm gonna pass on that. You go, have a good time and eat an extra piece of pie for me. I'll see you tomorrow." Before he could protest she got in her car and drove off.

Alex went to Meredith's house, where he made small talk and raised his glass after dinner when she and Derek announced that they were expecting, but he didn't seem to thoroughly enjoy himself knowing that Addison was alone. "Hey, I'm gonna take off," he said when he found Meredith in the kitchen. He set his plate in the sink and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Congratulations."

"You can't go! We haven't even had dessert yet!" she exclaimed, gesturing to the ridiculous number of pies on the counter.

"Yeah, I know, but work was crazy today and I'm beat…"

She nodded sympathetically, knowing how tough it could get with the hospital understaffed on holidays. "Fine. But take some with you!" she ordered.

"Well, I won't argue with you over that." He grinned and loaded up a plate with apple, blueberry, pumpkin, chocolate, raspberry and coconut pie, made his rounds to say goodbye, and left, heading in the opposite direction of his apartment.

He got to Addison's house and saw that the downstairs lights were still on, so he assumed she hadn't gone to bed yet. He pulled into the driveway, climbed the front steps, took a deep breath and knocked, hoping she wouldn't be pissed to see him.

He needn't have worried. She broke into a shy smile as soon as she opened the door. "Karev! What are you doing here?"

"Well, Mere made me take all this pie, and I was on my way home and saw your lights were still on so I thought maybe instead of me eating a piece for you we could both eat it…"

Although she had never been to his place she was fairly certain her house wasn't on his way home, but she let it slide. "Okay, yeah, come in." She put on a pot of coffee, then got out two plates. "Okay, let's see what you have."

"There wasn't any strawberry, but I'm sure there's something here Ella likes," he said as she studied the plate.

"Ooo, is this coconut? I don't know about Ella, but I can't pass up coconut. Unless you want that one," she added hastily, not wanting to sound greedy.

"Go for it. I'm here for the apple and pumpkin."

Once the coffee was ready they took their dessert to the living room, where the TV was tuned to a Christmas movie. "Christmas movies? Already?" he teased.

"Thanksgiving is the official start to the holiday season. It's a tradition, watching Christmas movies after Thanksgiving dinner." She left out the fact that her Thanksgiving dinner consisted of a rotisserie chicken and sides from the 24-hour grocery store a few blocks away, hardly traditional but she wasn't about to cook a turkey dinner for herself after working all day.

"And let me guess, you'll have a tree up by this weekend?"

"No! It's too early, the needles will start dropping before Christmas. The tree won't go up for a few weeks." _The rest of the decorations, though? Definitely coming out this weekend,_ she thought excitedly. "But, um, I might need some help with that."

"Of course. But only if I get Christmas cookies."

"I will make you...okay, I can't lie...I will get you the best Christmas cookies money can buy."

"You don't bake Christmas cookies?" He knew she wasn't big on cooking but given her enthusiasm for the holiday he found that surprising.

"Who was going to teach me to bake? Bizzy?"

"Who's Bizzy?"

"My mother."

"You call your mom Bizzy?"

"Mother. Not mom, she hates that. Mother. And yes, we call her Bizzy. Bizzy never baked Christmas cookies, and then I went off to college, and med school, and became a doctor, and who the hell has time for baking Christmas cookies?"

He didn't know much about her family - _we? She never mentioned any brothers or sisters_ -but he felt a little sad for her hearing the way she spoke about her mother. "Well, maybe someday Ella will want to bake Christmas cookies. We could give it a shot. I mean, we're doctors. We cut people open and put them back together. How hard can it be to follow a recipe? Of course you can't even follow directions for a crib, so maybe not…"

"Is that a challenge?"

He smirked. "Maybe."

"Oh, you're on. I can bake cookies. I totally can…" Her voice was less confident than her words, though, and they both laughed before falling into an easy silence as they finished their dessert.

The movie ended soon after and he was about to stand up when he remembered something. "Oh, so, I guess I should tell you this before you hear it through the gossip mill at work. Shepherd and Meredith are -"

"Pregnant? With twins?"

"You knew?"

"Yeah. She was having some spotting a few weeks ago and her OB was unavailable so she came to me."

"Oh. That day in the elevator? That's what that was all about? And you didn't say anything?"

She shrugged. "Wasn't my story to tell. I figured they'd announce it when they were ready. And, you know, doctor-patient confidentiality and all that."

"And you're...okay?"

"Yeah. I am. I mean, it hurt a little, at first. I wanted...we wanted babies. We did. But we were so busy with work, and it never seemed to be the right time, and then...well, you know what happened. He's not my husband any more, hasn't been for two years. He moved on, they're starting a family. I figured it would happen eventually and I'm...happy for them. I have Ella. It's not the way I thought it would be, but I'm getting my baby so how could I be anything but happy? And...they're good people, Derek and Meredith. They deserve to be happy, too."

She seemed genuinely happy, so he smiled. "Well good. I'm happy that you're happy. And now, if you'll excuse me, I really should get going."

She got up and walked him to the door, giving him a peck on the cheek before he stepped outside. "Thanks for the pie. Happy Thanksgiving."

 **Okay, just a little Addex fluff, no big deal. Hope you like it.**


	7. Chapter 7

Two and a half weeks later, on a crisp, clear December morning, Alex picked Addison up at her house bright and early. She passed him a mug of cocoa before climbing in. "Ready?" she asked, her excitement palpable.

"Yeah, I guess so. Let's go find that perfect tree." At first he'd assumed they'd pick one up from some super store parking lot, but she informed him that that was cheating. "No, no, no! You have to drive out to some Christmas tree farm in the middle of nowhere, walk up and down rows and rows of trees in the bitter cold until you find the perfect one, and cut it down," she had said, and so that was was they did.

Alex was starting to get annoyed - it didn't help that he'd forgotten his gloves at home - but then her face lit up and suddenly all the trouble was worth it. "That one! Oh, it's perfect! Isn't it just perfect?"

He chuckled. "If you say so." Growing up, he was lucky if his mom dragged their dusty old artificial tree up from the basement, so his standards weren't exactly high. "You're _sure_ this is the one?" She nodded enthusiastically, and he cut it down. They dragged it back to the car, and were back home before noon.

He lugged the tree inside and had to laugh - she'd turned the house into a winter wonderland since his last visit. "You really do love Christmas, don't you?"

"I do. Don't you?"

He stared at the floor. "It's not so great when your father can't bother to come home and there are no presents under the tree."

She reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. There was no shortage of gifts under the Montgomery tree, and even the Captain managed to be home for that - there were no guarantees for any other holidays or events, but he never missed Christmas with his children. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, I'm over it." He straightened up and pulled away, no longer the disappointed little boy she'd allowed her to see for a split second. "This thing isn't gonna set itself up. Where's it going?"

She led him to the living room, where there was a tree stand by the front window. "Right here." While he set the tree up she went to the kitchen, returning shortly with more cocoa and a plate of cookies.

He smirked. "These are store-bought. You can't fool me," he teased before biting the head off a gingerbread man. "What happened to baking?"

"I've been busy! Come over tomorrow after work and we'll have a go at it," she said with a giggle, still not entirely convinced it was a good idea. "But now it's time to decorate." She dragged a large bin over to the tree and opened it up. He reached for an ornament, but she stopped him. "Not yet. The lights go on first," she instructed him as she opened another bin and pulled out some white lights. She showed him how to wind them between the branches.

"Ornaments now?"

"No, next is the garland." She dug around until she found the long strands of gold beads she was looking for, then showed him how to wrap them around the tree, carefully spacing them and draping them between branches.

"Okay, now ornaments?"

"No, now the bows. See all the branches the garland is draped over? That's where the bows go." She pulled out a pile of red plaid bows and got to work. He joined her, and pretended not to notice when she straightened out the ones he put on.

"Okay, _now_?"

She grinned at his impatience. "Now!"

He started digging through the ornaments, amused by her selection. There were a few keepsakes from her childhood, baby's first Christmas and such, and a lot of red and gold balls, but the rest were a mismatched assortment of Christmas classics - Santas, snowmen, nutcrackers - and souvenirs from places she'd been. "You know, I had you pegged as one of those people with all the fancy, matchy-matchy ornaments on a tree that belongs in some interior decorating magazine," he admitted as he carefully hung a roly-poly blown glass Santa Claus.

She wrinkled her nose. "Nah. That's what we had when I was a kid. I never even got to decorate it - Bizzy would hire someone to do it, and I'd come home from school one day and it would be all done. It was always beautiful, but...it wasn't much fun. And it didn't mean anything. This...I could look at every ornament and tell you where I got it, or who gave it to me. It kind of...tells a story. Of who I am, and where I've been." Suddenly she blushed and turned away. "That sounds kind of silly, doesn't it?"

"Nah. It's nice. Definitely better than a matchy-matchy magazine tree."

They finished hanging the ornaments, pausing every now and then when he'd ask her about a particular one just to see the sparkle in her eyes as she told its story, and she pulled out a gold tree topper. "Last but not least, the star. Here, you do it."

He climbed up on a step ladder and set it in place. "Like that?"

"Turn it a little...no, the other way. Okay. Tip it forward a little. A little more. Nope, too much. Back a little. Perfect!" She ran to the light switch and turned it off, leaving them bathed in the soft glow of the tree. "It's perfect," she declared with a content sigh as she leaned against him.

He draped an arm around her shoulders and smiled. "Yeah, it is."

OoOoOoO

The next night Alex arrived after work and found her in the kitchen surrounded by canisters of sugar and flour, spices, rolling pins, and cookie cutters. "Okay, I found recipes for sugar cookies, and gingerbread cookies. I already made the dough for the sugar cookies, but it needs to chill so we can make the dough for the gingerbread now, and that can chill while we make the sugar cookies. And if we mess those up, we can try good ol' chocolate chip. Sound good?"

"Sounds great," he chuckled as he wiped a smudge of flour off her cheek. "But we won't mess up. We're surgeons. We can follow directions, I'm sure."

Despite his confidence they managed to burn the first tray of cookies because they rolled the dough too thin, and the second tray turned into one giant cookie because they put them too close together, but the third time was the charm and before long they had a kitchen full of cookies cooling on racks. "See, I told you we could do it," he said proudly as he surveyed their work.

Addison laughed. "Yes, but now all those cookies need to be decorated. But Ella's hungry, so I guess we better eat first. I just picked up cold cuts and rolls for dinner, if that's okay with you."

"Fine by me," he confirmed. They gathered up cold cuts, rolls, condiments, chips, pickles, and drinks and headed to the dining room, since every surface in the kitchen was covered with cookies.

Once they had eaten Addison whipped up a big batch of icing. "I _should_ make different colors, but I forgot to buy food coloring so we'll just have to do them all white," she admitted. "But I did remember the sprinkles!"

"Whatever. They all taste the same anyways, right?"

"Right."

Alex grabbed a knife and started frosting cookies, but didn't get too far before he popped one in his mouth. Addison pretended not to notice, but glared at him when she caught him eating his fourth. "Hey, cut it out or there won't be any left!" she scolded, trying to sound mad but stifling a giggle.

"What? They're good! Leave me alone," he grumbled, also trying unsuccessfully to sound angry. He waited until she'd turned her attention back to decorating and reached over to smear a blob of frosting across her cheek.

"Alex! You're such a child!" She reached over and smacked him before grabbing a napkin.

"Hold on, I got it." With no warning he pulled her to him and licked it off.

"Alex!"

"Oh, hush." He leaned in like he was going to lick her again, but kissed her instead. He kissed her over and over, moving closer to her mouth each time until finally their lips collided. She drew back and stared at him in shock, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, but just when he started to think he'd made a mistake she flashed a blinding smile, knotted her fingers in his hair, and thrust his face back towards hers. This time she let him go only once she was out of breath.

She cleared her throat and sat down. "Okay then. Back to work." He took his seat and tried to concentrate, but every few minutes one of them would glance up, catch the other staring, and they'd both turn away, red-cheeked and grinning. Somehow they managed to finish the task, though it was approaching eleven o'clock when they did.

"Okay, well, I...uh...I guess I better get going," Alex said once the mess in the kitchen was cleaned up. "I, uh, I had a lot of fun."

"Yeah, so did I," Addison agreed as she watched him put his coat on. "I'll, um, see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Tomorrow." He turned to leave, but spun around, swooped in and kissed her again before dashing out to his car, leaving her standing in the doorway shaking her head.

 **Okay, more holiday fluff AND kissing! Are you about fluffed out, or should I cram in a few more chapters of Addex cuteness before I get into the important things? Not gonna lie, I have had some big (dark, twisty...hey, it is filed under drama/angst for a reason) things planned right from the start and this fluff just appeared out of nowhere but I kinda like it.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay guys, I was just digging around the site and unearthed this old Addex fix I started back in like, 2007, and abandoned after 7 chapters for reasons I don't recall. It was so long ago that I forgot my name, password, what e-mail I used to create it, etc which is why I now have this account. If you're in the mood for some very cute Addex fluff (and also sex), go check out After All** **by Addisex-Owns-My-Life (yeah, I know, how could I forget that epic screen name?) and let me know if it's worth continuing (even though I currently have 3 in progress, two of which are even more overdue for updates than this one).**

The next morning Addison and Alex ran into each other on the elevator. She was just getting there; he, as a resident, had been there for a while already rounding on his patients. She took her place next to him. "Hey."

He took a chance and slipped his hand into hers. "Hey."

They glanced at each other and slowly moved closer until their lips were centimeters apart, only to be interrupted by the _ding!_ of the elevator. Hastily they pulled apart, just in time for the door to open and reveal Meredith. "Alex, Doctor Montgomery."

"Meredith," they answered in unison. He caught a glimpse of Addison out of the corner of his eye and tried to stifle a chuckle; seconds later they were both roaring with laughter.

Meredith's eyes darted from Alex to Addison. "What? Is there something on my face, or…?"

"No, it's not you. It's her," Alex said as he pointed to Addison and tried to get himself under control.

"Me? Oh no. No way. It's all you, Karev. All you."

Meredith looked puzzled. "But what -"

Before she could get an answer the elevator opened and the pair hurried off on the NICU floor, leaving a very confused Meredith behind. They didn't make it far before erupting in another fit of laughter. "You need to behave yourself!" she ordered as she slapped him on the arm. "We're gonna get caught!"

"Me? You weren't exactly pulling away! And who cares if we do? It's not like you're the first attending to kiss a resident around here," he pointed out.

Her face grew serious. "I know. It's just...we need to talk. About the kissing, and...us."

Alex furrowed his brows. "You didn't seem to have a problem with it last night."

"I didn't. I don't. It was nice. More than nice. But we've been here before, and it didn't end well so I just think we should...figure out what we're doing."

"Addison -"

He was interrupted by her pager. "I gotta go. We'll talk later." She gave him a small smile, hoping he wasn't mad.

"Yeah, later."

It was even busier than usual at the hospital that day. It was late afternoon before the two had more than a minute to themselves so when Alex found Addison leaning wearily against theses station he grabbed her and pulled her into a supply closet. "Okay, you want to talk? Let's talk."

"Now?"

"Yes, now. One minute we're kissing and holding hands, and the next _we need to talk_. What's up?"

"You really want to do this here? Fine. You really hurt me, Alex. Before. The kissing, you and your _vanilla latte_ and _if you went missing I'd notice_ , the sex...I was thinking maybe we had something and then, _BAM! You're not my girlfriend_. That hurt. A lot. So much that I almost stayed in LA. I don't...I can't go through that again so what am I to you?"

"Addison, I didn't mean it. Ava overheard you talking to Torres, all that shit about barbecuing and teaching kids to play catch. I'm not that guy. I _wasn't_ that guy, at least I didn't think I was, so I thought it would be best to just end it instead of letting things get too serious and then hurting you when you realized we weren't on the same page. I, um, I guess I could have found a better way to do it, though."

Addison saw the sadness and regret in Alex's eyes and reached for his hand. "Yeah, you could have. So, what page are you on now? Are we at least in the same book?" she asked, her tone softening.

Alex grinned. "Oh yeah, we're definitely in the same book. Same chapter, even. I'm still not that guy that barbeques, or plays catch, I don't know anything about being a dad, but if you'll let me I'd like to figure it out."

"I'd like that too. But maybe this time we can take it slow, you know, try dating or whatever before we-"

"Dating? I can do that."

"I mean, I'm less than two months from giving birth so realistically dating probably means sitting on my couch eating takeout and watching Netflix, but-"

"Takeout and Netflix sounds great."

"And you know it'll be a while after she's born before we can-"

"I can wait. You're worth waiting for."

"Really?"

"Really. So, um, I better get back to work."

"Wait!" Addison grabbed Alex's arm and pulled him close. "I did mention earlier that I like the kissing, right?"

"That you did," Alex confirmed before backing her up against the wall. She was still standing there breathless when he left the closet with a satisfied smirk.

 **OoOoOoO**

The next month went pretty much as expected, with Alex going to Addison's house most nights after work. Most of the time they'd argue over what to order for dinner, though she usually won - _two against one_ , she always said - but occasionally she'd cook. "Ella deserves home-cooked meals. Might as well figure that out now, right?" she explained as she flipped through cookbooks. He agreed and choked down whatever she made, no matter how bad it was.

Christmas came and went much like Thanksgiving. "Might as well take one more for the team," Addison said as they headed into the hospital on December twenty-fifth. "But next year...next year Christmas is all about Ella," she added as she rubbed her belly contentedly.

On New Year's Eve Derek and Meredith invited them to a party at their house - separately, as they still hadn't gone public with their relationship - and Alex managed to steal a kiss when the ball dropped. Addison glanced around after, a bit nervous, but everyone else was busy making out or had left early with the excuse that they had to work in the morning so she figured their secret was still safe.

The next few weeks passed uneventfully. Addison gave Alex a key to her house. He spent his evenings massaging her tired, swollen feet - _don't you think it's time to give up the heels?_ he asked night after night even though he knew the answer - and fixing things around the house as she went into full-on nesting mode - installing new smoke and carbon monoxide detectors, fixing leaky faucets and squeaky door hinges, replacing light bulbs she couldn't reach because he wasn't going to let her up on a ladder in her condition.

One night they barely made it inside before she dropped to the couch, fighting to keep her eyes open. "Addison, you think you should start taking it easy? Maybe it's time to cut back your hours a bit," Alex suggested as he sat next to her, stroking her hair. _Maybe it's time to go on maternity leave,_ he thought, but knew she wouldn't go for that and didn't date press his luck.

"I'm fine. Adams said everything looks good and I'm clear to keep working. Don't worry," she assured him. "Just have to make it through three more weeks. Everything will be just fine."

 **Okay guys, I'm super sorry for the delay, but I've been kinda busy. I promise to get the next chapter up soon (maybe tonight, it's partially written already) and will hopefully update my other stories by the end of the week.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you to those of you who have left reviews. I see everyone is curious to find out if Derek and Addison's affair will be revealed. I can say that while there is plenty of drama in store, the current plan is for Ella's paternity to remain under wraps. But who knows. I've had this whole thing planned out forever, but I'm starting to second-guess the direction I thought I was going in based on your reviews and honestly I don't even know if I have the guts to go where I intended to because some of you might end up hating me. I am so torn right now, ugh.**

A week later, Addison arrived at the hospital and found herself in the elevator with Meredith, who furrowed her brows and glared at Addison's belly. "You know I hate you, right?" the resident grumbled.

"Well, good morning to you, too…" Addison muttered, trying to sound chill although she felt anything but. _Does she know? Did Derek tell her?_

"It's not fair! Look at you!" Meredith continued as if Addison hadn't even spoken. "You're ready to pop any day now. I'm only halfway there and I'm a freakin' cow already!" She gestured to Addison's belly, then pointed to her own which was nearly as big. "It's not fair, and I hate you! Also, I'm kind of mean in the morning now that I can't have coffee and...I'm sorry," she grunted with a pout.

Addison let out a relieved laugh. _Secret's still safe._ "Let me ask you this. How's the morning sickness?"

Meredith thought for a minute. "I threw up twice. Oh, wait, there was that time in surgery, so...three times."

"Three times. In twenty weeks."

"Yup."

Addison snorted. "Okay, well, there are days - like today - when I puke more than that before I even get in the shower so now I'm the one that hates you." The two women shared a laugh as the elevator stopped and they got off. "Look, it sucks gaining weight, it really does, but honestly I would gladly get as big as a house if it meant the puking went away. Enjoy having the excuse to eat whatever you want, and just remember it will all be worth it in the end."

"Yeah, you're right," Meredith admitted. "So, how are you doing? Everything good?"

"As of my last appointment everything looked perfect. Of course I want to get her to forty weeks, but really, she can come whenever she wants. She's ready. You?"

"So far, so good. We have an appointment this afternoon. Hopefully baby A cooperates this time and we can find out if it's two boys, or a boy and a girl."

"Ah, they can be tricky sometimes. Well, I gotta run. I have surgery. Good luck."

"Thanks."

 **OoOoOoO**

When Addison got out of surgery a few hours later, Alex was waiting for her with juice and a muffin. While he'd agreed not to nag her about taking it easy, he checked on her when he could and made sure she ate and rested when necessary. "How are my favorite girls?" he asked as she grabbed the muffin and took a huge bite without so much as a hello.

"Starving," she mumbled before swallowing. "Couldn't keep anything down this morning, but other than that just fine."

He studied her carefully. She looked well-rested, happy and wasn't holding her back the way she did when it hurt, so he took her word for it. "Good. You have a lot of surgeries today?"

"Just this one. Well, Mrs. Peterson is in labor and I think she might end up needing a c section but so far that's it for today."

"Good. Let me know if you want to grab lunch later."

"I will. If not, I'll see you tonight?"

"You got it."

 **OoOoOoO**

Of course things turned out to be busier than expected, with Addison performing an emergency c section plus a bowel resection on a preemie with necrotizing enterocolitis flown in from a small rural hospital. She was finally on her way out for the day when she got paged to OB. She groaned - her back and feet were killing her - but went back upstairs to the room she'd been paged to. She was surprised to find Doctor Adams sitting with Derek and Meredith, who both looked terrified. Meredith appeared to be in shock while Derek, fighting back tears, stood at her side holding her hand. "What's wrong? Are the babies okay?" she asked, her own aches and pains instantly forgotten as she assumed the worst.

"Baby A is fine," Dr. Adams said, looking grim. "but it looks like baby B has a heart defect. I really can't tell what kind of defect, but something isn't right."

Addison moved in as doctor Adams stepped aside. "Okay, let's have a look." She moved the wand around and tried to get a better picture of what they were dealing with, but the ultrasound didn't give her a definitive answer. "I agree, there does appear to be a defect, but I'm going to need to do a fetal echocardiogram to get a better look." She retrieved the machine and got to work. What she found made her heart sink.

"Addison, what is it?" Derek asked. He recognized the look on her face and knew it wasn't good.

She took a deep breath. "Okay, your son appears to have hypoplastic left heart syndrome. It's almost impossible to know for sure until he's born, but I'm pretty sure it's HLHS and even if it isn't, there are definitely some severe defects."

"But it's fixable, right?" Derek asked.

"It is. If my diagnosis is correct, he will need a series of three operations. The first one, the Norwood procedure, would happen sometime in the first two weeks. The next one, the Glenn procedure, would take place between four and six months, and the Fontan would be done between eighteen months and three years."

"And you can do those operations, right?" Meredith asked.

"I really think you need to be referred to a cardiologist-"

"But you _can_ do it." It was Derek speaking this time, and he wasn't asking.

"Yes, but I won't. Doctor Adams, can I have a word with you?" Addison waited for the other obstetrician to follow her into the hall. "Leslie, what were you thinking calling me in there? They need a cardiac surgeon on board, and I might not even be here when those babies are born!"

"I know! I'm sorry, Doctor Montgomery, I was going to page Dixon but Doctor Shepherd wouldn't hear of it. He insisted on a second opinion from you."

Addison slumped against the wall and massaged her temples. "Yeah, I know how he can get. It's pretty hard to say no, but I just don't think it's a good idea for me to be involved in this case when I won't even be here to monitor the baby's condition. They need someone that will be here and be prepared to operate no matter when she delivers. So please, give them my apologies and page Dixon."

"Yes, Doctor Montgomery."

Leslie went back into the room and Addison headed for the elevator, only to hear footsteps running down the hall after her. "Addison, wait!"

"Derek, stop it!" she snapped as he grabbed her arm. "You need to get back in there and listen to Doctor Adams."

"Addie, please. You're the best neonatal surgeon on the west coast. We want the best."

"No, Derek-"

"Why? Because of _this_?" he accused, gesturing wildly at her belly.

Her eyes opened wide in rage. "Derek, it has nothing to do with _this_ , or anything else that has happened between us. You really think I would be that petty, especially with an innocent baby's life at stake? I would love to help you, I really would, but I can't. The timing isn't right. I'm taking twelve weeks for maternity leave, which means _if_ I have this baby right around my due date I'll be back six weeks before Meredith's due date. But babies are unpredictable and I could go up to two weeks past my due date, and with her being pregnant with twins she very well could deliver early, so there's a good chance I won't be back before the twins are born. In order for your son to get the best care possible it really would be best for you to find another doctor so that no matter when they come you have someone who is familiar with your case and is ready to operate."

"But you're the best. We want the best," Derek repeated as if he hadn't heard a word she said.

Addison sighed and rubbed her temples. "I _know_ that, and I really wish I could do this but I can't. I'm going to be out for twelve weeks. That's almost three months that I won't be here to monitor his condition."

Derek wasn't ready to give in. "Okay, but what if everything works out and you're back before they're born? Please, Addison. Say you'll do it. Please?"

Addison bit a thumbnail and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to keep calm. "Okay, fine. If I'm back I will assist with the procedure. But you need to see someone in cardiology, because I will not operate alone, and I suggest you do it soon." She really didn't want to agree to it, but she knew it was the only way to get him off her back so she could go home.

Derek let out a sigh of relief. "We will. Thank you, Addison. Thank you so much." He slapped her on the shoulder and ran back to Meredith's room, leaving his ex-wife to fume silently for a few minutes before attempting to leave for the second time.

Alex was waiting by the door. "I thought you were leaving after the bowel resection." He had scrubbed in on the procedure, and she had told him she would meet him after she spoke to the infant's parents.

"Tried to. Got called back upstairs for a consult," she informed him glumly, clearly still bothered by Derek's attitude.

"Oh yeah? Anything good I'll get to scrub in on?"

She wanted to spill her guts to him, but knew it wasn't her place to divulge anything about Meredith's baby. "I don't know. Maybe. It's a baby with a heart defect, but I might not be here for the delivery so I'm referring the case to cardio."

"Oh. You okay?"

"Yeah, just...tired. I know I was supposed to cook tonight but do you mind picking something up instead? I just want to get my pajamas on and put my feet up," she admitted. _A glass - no, a bottle - of wine would be good, too,_ she added in her mind.

"No problem. I'll see you in a bit."

 **Okay, so the drama begins. Just the tip of the iceberg, though, so stay tuned.**

 **Also, while I am really enjoying this I'm thinking I'd like to do a series of one-shots or drabbles, quick little pieces I can throw together when I have a few minutes here and there. I've never really done anything like that, though, so if you want to hit me up with promots, challenges, suggestions, whatever that would be cool. I'd like to keep it Addison-centric (or maybe Amelia) but other than that I'm open to pretty much anything.**


	10. Chapter 10

Addison spent the next two weeks doing her best to avoid her ex-husband and his wife. Much to Alex's relief, she also started taking it a bit easier in those two weeks, performing only the most difficult surgeries that no one else could do and passing the rest along to Adams and Nicole Williams, the neonatologist that had been hired to fill in during her maternity leave.

On February sixth, Addison and Alex had a TTTS surgery scheduled. "Going out with a bang, huh?" Alex asked as they scrubbed in.

"Not necessarily. I still have four days left," Addison countered before entering the OR, though the odds of such a rare surgery popping up in that short timeframe was unlikely.

"Wanna bet? I don't think you'll make it til Tuesday. I don't think you'll even make it through the weekend," Alex teased.

"Oh, yes I will. You hear me, baby girl? You're staying in there until the tenth. Got it?"

The surgery went smoothly and was a complete success. Towards the end Alex noticed Addison tense up and take a few deep breaths several times, but she seemed okay so he left her alone. When they were scrubbing out, though, she suddenly gasped and clutched the edge of the sink. "You're having contractions! I told you the baby was coming before Tuesday!"

"Yeah, you win this one," Addison admitted. "You okay talking to the family on your own?"

"Yeah. You want me to take you to OB first?"

"Nah, go update the family. I'll be fine. It's early yet, I'm not in any rush. I'll meet you up there."

Alex made it to the door before Addison moaned loudly and mumbled something about her water breaking. He turned around too late to catch her as she fell to the floor, and realized in horror that the liquid gushing down her legs wasn't amniotic fluid. "Somebody get me a gurney, and page Doctor Adams!" he yelled before rushing to her side. "Addison! Come on, stay with me. Open your eyes, Addison. Hang in there." Her lashes fluttered briefly, but that was as close as she came to regaining consciousness before she was lifted onto a gurney and whisked away.

Adams arrived, quickly evaluated Addison, and within minutes they were scrubbing in for an emergency c section. "Be ready, Karev. I'm still not getting a heartbeat on the baby," she warned as she started the incision. In the blink of an eye, Adams passed the limp, silent infant to Alex; he was doing CPR when Nicole arrived. After five terrifying minutes they finally got a heartbeat. Leslie was still working on Addison, and the last thing Alex heard before rushing Ella to the NICU was Leslie calling for more blood. He felt torn between leaving and staying, but knew Addison would want him with Ella.

Up in the NICU Ella's heart continued beating but she had yet to breathe on her own and remained unconscious. "Karev, call CT, get her in as soon as possi- shit. She's seizing!"

"Dammit! Come on, Ella," Alex muttered as he pushed the anti-seizure meds, and breathed a sigh of relief a few minutes later when the convulsions stopped.

"Okay, tell CT we're coming NOW. And page neuro."

Within minutes they were in radiology. Derek arrived just as they got the baby in the machine. "Okay, what do we have?" he asked as he sat down and glanced at the chart in front of him; what he saw caused his heart rate to pick up considerably. "Baby girl...Montgomery? Not Addison's, right?"

Alex nodded grimly. "It is. Addison had a placental abruption. Couldn't find a heartbeat before surgery and it took five minutes to resuscitate her after delivery. Low muscle tone, not breathing on her own, photosensitivity, and had a seizure...we're thinking it's a brain bleed."

"Okay, let's see what we have." Derek frowned as the images started coming up on the screen

"Damn. She has a ruptured aneurysm. We have to get her into surgery."

"Surgery? She's not even an hour old! Don't you want to try-"

"No time. There's too much bleeding and swelling. Book an OR. Does Addison know what's going on?"

"No. She started hemorrhaging, Adams had to do a c section. Probably still in the OR."

"Okay, well, book an OR, get her prepped, then you're scrubbing in."

Alex was on his way to scrub in when Callie flew down the hall. "I just heard about Addison. How's the baby?"

He shook his head. "She has a brain bleed. Shepherd's taking her into surgery, it's bad. How's Addison?"

"Still in surgery. Adams couldn't stop the bleeding so she's doing a hysterectomy."

"Fuck. What else could go wrong?"

"You really want to ask that?"

"You're right. Let me know when she's out, okay?"

"Of course. Good luck."

Half an hour into surgery Ella coded; Alex was sweating bullets by the time she went back into a normal rhythm after three rounds with the defibrillator.

"Okay, baby, no more of that," Derek ordered as he got back to work.

"Ella."

"What?"

"Her name is Ella. Well, not officially, but Addison was planning on naming her Eleanora Jane. Ella for short."

"Well, okay then, _Ella_. No more funny business."

As if Ella had been listening, the rest of the surgery went smoothly and both men sighed in relief as she was taken to recovery. "Good job, Karev. You go with her, I'll go talk to Addison if she's awake." Callie had come in about two hours earlier to let them know Addison was out of surgery. Naturally Alex wanted to see Addison, but he wasn't about to start a fight with his superior so he followed his orders and went to the NICU after scrubbing out.

oooooooo

Derek found a full room when he got to the maternity ward. Callie was sitting next to the bed, holding Addison's hand, with Bailey next to her. Mark was seated on the bed holding her other hand, and Richard was leaning against the wall. They all looked at him with worried eyes when he entered, but before he could update them on Ella's condition their attention was drawn back to Addison when she let out a weak moan.

Callie jumped up. "Addison? Oh, thank God."

Meanwhile Mark gingerly brushed her hair out of her face, careful not to touch her right temple where he'd sutured the laceration she got when she hit her head on the sink; clearly any hard feelings he'd had towards her about the baby were gone now that her life was on the line. "Come on, Red. Open your eyes," he encouraged, his voice was gentle. "You can do it." It took considerable effort but after a few minutes of fluttering lashes her eyes opened and he smiled at her. "Hi there. Welcome back."

"Mark?" Her voice was raspy from being intubated, and she was clearly confused as she looked around at her friends' faces. Slowly, like a habit, one hand made its way to her belly, and suddenly something clicked in her head. "My baby?"

Everyone looked to Derek, who motioned for Mark to move and took his place. "Addie, she's okay. She had some bleeding in her brain, and I had to operate, but she's okay now." It's not true, really, and he felt guilty for omitting much of the story, but her eyes were heavy-lidded and unfocused, her head falling listlessly to one side; he would fill in the details eventually, but she was clearly in no condition for the panic that sort of news would evoke. "She's alright."

"Really?"

"Really. Karev is with her right now." He still had no clue they were a couple, but hoped it comforted her to know the baby wasn't alone.

Apparently it did. She nodded and managed a small smile before closing her eyes. He kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand. "Get some rest. I'll keep you updated."

Callie followed Derek out of the room. "What the hell was that? She's not...she's not okay, is she? Why would you lie to her?"

"Callie, look at her! You really think me saying 'your baby was without oxygen for over five minutes, had a massive ruptured aneurysm, coded on the table, and has so much swelling in her brain that I couldn't put the skull cap back on' is a good idea right now? She'll freak out, which wouldn't do anyone any good especially since she probably won't remember any of it later anyways. So yeah, I lied to her. Let her sleep, and I'll tell her the rest in the morning once the anesthesia and sedatives wear off."

Callie took his words into consideration and decided he was right. "Fine. So, how _is_ she, really? Alex said it was bad."

He sighed. "Let's just say I don't plan on leaving the hospital any time soon."

She pulled him into a hug. "Take good care of her."

ooooooo

Alex was glad he followed Derek's orders, because Ella crashed again about forty-five minutes later; this time, though, he only had to shock her once to get her back. "You gotta stop this, kid. You're giving me gray hairs," he said softly as he pulled up a stool and stroked her cheek. "Listen, Ella, I know it's scary out here, all noisy and bright, and you probably feel like crap right now, but you gotta hang in there. I know you need your mom, but you know what? She needs you, too. She needs you, and she's not gonna be okay without you, so you gotta fight. That's a lot of responsibility for a kid, and it's not really fair for me to put it on you, but don't worry. I'll be right here fighting with you until she can come see you, okay? So don't give up. Your mom, she...she's the best. She's amazing. She loves you so much, and she's worth fighting for so just hang in there."

"Little pep talk there, Karev?" Alex nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Derek's voice behind him. He'd been so focused on the baby that he hadn't noticed the neurosurgeon come in.

"Yeah, well, she crashed again a few minutes ago, so a little pep talk can't hurt, right? How's Addison?"

"Just woke up, but she's pretty out of it. Adams expects her to pull through."

"Thank God. Man, I never saw anyone bleed out as fast as she did. I honestly wasn't sure she was gonna make it."

Derek nodded slowly. "Addie's tough. Always has been. Let's just hope Ella fights like her mom. You can take off, if you want. I'm not going anywhere tonight."

"You sure? I can stay…"

"That's okay, I got this. But, um, if you see Addison...I didn't tell her everything. She's still so groggy that she won't remember anything so there's no point freaking her out now. She knows the baby-"

"Ella."

"She knows Ella had surgery, and that She's stable. I'll fill in the rest in the morning."

"Okay. Just, um, just let me know if anything changes, alright?"

"You got it. Now go home and get some sleep because tomorrow, Ella's all yours."

 **And there you have it. Drama. Dark and twisty. Some of you saw it coming, maybe some of you didn't. It's been planned from the start and I almost chickened out because you guys were so excited about Ella but I didn't...please don't tar and feather me. The next two chapters are pretty much done, and they're a little lighter. I might get one - or both - up later tonight so stay tuned!**


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning Meredith went in early and found Derek in the NICU, close to dozing off in a rocking chair by Ella's isolette. "Hey. We missed you last night," she said softly as she pulled up a stool. "How's she doing?"

Derek straightened up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Well, she survived the night. She's not triggering the vent yet, and she's having seizures, but she hasn't coded since right after surgery so I guess that's something."

"Yeah, I guess."

Meredith studied the baby quietly for a few minutes and Derek held his breath, certain his wife would notice some similarity between her and him. He wasn't really sure if Ella looked like him at all, but he was thankful that her face was still swollen from surgery and partially obscured by the ventilator tube. _Thankful? What kind of monster is thankful for that?_ he thought, but it was the truth. "It's so strange," she finally said. "In just a few months, we're going to be looking at our baby in that incubator. Maybe both of them…"

"Don't think like that. The other one will be fine."

"You don't know that! I'm sure Addison thought her baby was going to be fine, but here she is. Who knows what could go wrong?" She sighed and slumped down on her stool. "You think she's gonna be okay?"

"I don't know. We'll have a better idea in a few days, once she's off the sedatives and the swelling goes down." He stood up and stretched before giving her a quick kiss. "I should go talk to Addison. Try not to worry too much, okay? The boys will be fine."

He approached Addison's room and knocked lightly, not even sure she was awake; she turned her head towards him and smiled weakly so he entered and sat on the edge of the bed. "Hey there. How you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a Mack truck," she admitted, still sounding hoarse. She furrowed her brows, trying to remember anything from the night before. "You...you operated on Ella?"

He nodded and took one pale, cool hand between both of his. "I did. She had an aneurysm, and it ruptured."

"That's my fault."

"No, it isn't. You didn't do anything to cause the aneurysm. They just happen sometimes."

"I know, but I fell. That could have caused it to rupture, right?"

"It might have, but we don't know if it did. It could have ruptured during the delivery, or while they were doing CPR. Hell, it could have ruptured in utero days or weeks ago. We'll never know, but no matter how it happened, it's not your fault, and it does no good to beat yourself up for it. Okay?"

"Okay." She didn't sound too sure of herself, but she tried to believe him. "So how is she?"

"She's not out of the woods yet. For the next few weeks she'll be at risk of a rebleed or a stroke, obviously infection is always a concern. She coded during surgery, and again shortly after, but no more after that. She's having seizures - mostly complex partial, but she did have one tonic-clonic - which is normal after brain surgery but could also be the result of brain damage from the anoxia. There was a lot of swelling, so I wasn't able to put the skull cap back on, which means I'll have to take her back to the OR in a few days. She's not breathing on her own yet, but she may start as the swelling goes down and we wean her off the sedatives. It's really too early to tell what is a side effect of the surgery and the meds, and what is a result of brain damage and might be permanent. We'll know more in the next few days."

"You think she has brain damage?"

"I think she was without oxygen for a long time, and it's likely there will be at least some minor deficits but again, it's too soon to know. What I do know is that she survived the night. She's a fighter."

"Yeah. I just wish she didn't have to be."

He squeezed her hand. "I know. But we'll get her through this. Hang in there." By now she was looking pretty tired, so he got up. "Get some sleep. I'll stop back later."

After being bombarded by nurses taking her vitals, Adams and her interns doing rounds, and Derek, Addison was about to doze off when the door opened. She looked over to see Alex peeking in with a bouquet of daisies and a gift bag. "Hey," she croaked, motioning him over and attempting unsuccessfully to sit up. "I'm awake, come in. You look like shit."

Alex refrained from pointing out her appearance, which was definitely worse than his, and forced a smile. "Hey. Congratulations, mom." He raised the head of the bed, then gave her a crooked grin and a kiss on the cheek before dropping into a chair. "I tried to get in here last night but there wasn't any room with your fan club."

She couldn't help but break into a grin. "You know, you're the first one to say that," she pointed out with a hint of sadness. "Everyone else keeps coming in here with those sad faces, they all say they're sorry...I know she's sick, and they're worried, but…"

"But you had a kid. You're a mom. Maybe it's not the way you planned, but she's here, and she's yours, and that's worth celebrating."

"Yeah, it is. Thank you, Alex. Tell me about her?" Addison rubbed her belly, almost out of habit. Not twenty-four hours earlier it was ripe with hopes and dreams; now it felt full of lead.

Alex shrugged. "She's about the same as last night. She's stable, her vitals are good. She's not breathing on her own yet but that should change as the swell-"

"I know all that. Derek told me, Williams told me, Callie and Miranda told me...she's sick, she's not out of the woods, that I know. But I don't know the normal stuff. Tell me about _her._ "

"Okay, well, she's six pounds, four ounces-"

"That's it? Six pounds?"

"You had trouble gaining weight. She's a little small but within normal limits. Twenty two inches long. Her hair is red, just like yours, and she has your eyes. Same shape and the long lashes, anyway, but not the color. They're _blue_ blue, not not blue-gray like yours. She has long fingers. Hands of a surgeon, for sure. And she's absolutely gorgeous, but who knows where she got that from," he teased with a wink.

"Obviously she inherited my wildly attractive genes."

"That she did."

"I need to see her. Please?"

"Nope. She's in good hands. She's stable."

Addison pouted. "Please? Just for a few minutes?"

"I'm sure you asked Adams already. What did she say?"

"She said it's okay."

Alex snickered. "That was a trick question. I already talked to her and she said you're not getting out of bed for at least another 24 hours. But nice try, liar." He paused to flip through her chart. "Besides, according to nurse Debbie, you spiked a temp of 103 last ni-"

"Probably just non-hemolytic transfusion reaction," Addison interrupted.

"Probably, but until we rule out something more serious you're staying put."

"Oh, come on. Five minutes. Just five minutes and you can bring me right back," Addison begged as she grabbed for the chart, which he kept safely out of reach.

"Addison, you can't even sit up by yourself right now. You do realize that you _actually_ died, right? You coded on the table...twice. You have a concussion from hitting your head when you collapsed, and cracked ribs from the chest compressions. You had major abdominal surgery. And last but certainly not least, they had to replace your entire blood volume twice over, that's how much you bled out. Ella is stable. She's getting the best care possible. There is nothing you can do for her right now, but when she gets better and leaves the hospital, she's gonna need you. So right now the best thing you can do for her is follow the doctor's orders and get better. Got it?"

Addison scowled at Alex. "I hate you."

"Okay, well, I _was_ going to show you pictures, but I guess not…"

"Alex, don't be a jerk," Addison whined. "I'll behave, I swear. Just show me. No one else will."

"Okay, okay. Just...brace yourself. There are a lot of tubes and wires, and she's pretty bruised…"

"Alex, I've been working in the NICU for over 10 years now…"

"As a doctor. You're not Doctor Montgomery right now, you're Ella's mom. It's different."

"When did you get so wise? It's...annoying."

"You're annoying. You know that saying about doctors making the worst patients?"

"Yeah."

"It's not wrong." Addison scowled and Alex laughed before he handed over his phone. "There she is, Miss Eleanora Jane Montgomery. You're still going with that, right?"

Addison nodded as she grabbed the phone. Her face instantly softened. "Oh my God. She's beautiful. She really is the most beautiful baby ever, isn't she?"

"I'm not gonna argue with you on that one. She is pretty cute."

"You'll keep an eye on her, right? Until I can get down there?"

"Of course."

"Good. So, what's in the bag?" she inquired, eyeing the gift bag he had set on the bedside table.

He handed it to her. "Just a little something for Ella.

"Oh, Alex, that's so sweet!" she cooed as she pulled out two plush bunnies - one ivory with a pink bow, the other brown with a gold bow. "They'll be perfect in the nursery! And they're so soft!"

"I didn't know what else to get since you bought so much crap already."

"They're perfect. Come here." She patted the bed next to her. He did as instructed, and she pulled him down and kissed him. "You're perfect. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He glanced up and saw Callie in the doorway. "And now I'm outta here. I'll stop by later and let you know how she's doing."

Alex left and Callie took his place. "So, still _just friends_?"

Addison shrugged. "Maybe more than friends," she admitted with a hint of a smirk.

 **Okay, so Ella made it through the night. Yay Ella! Just a quick little chapter, nothing too exciting but no one is dead and there was some fluff (and some Addex banter, which I kinda love) so it's all good, right? Up next, Addison meets Ella.**

 **Thank you all (all 3 of you) for the reviews! Y'all are fast! Patsy, there will be much more merder in the future, especially after the twins are born, but I'm not sure about a whole chapter. We'll see. SarcasticAlexWilliams, your reviews are life. Your enthusiasm slays me every time! But I'm not gonna answer your question. Partly because I still have a lot of stuff planned, and partly because I'm still on the fence about going where I thought I was going. For those of you who have asked if it will be revealed that Derek is the father, I honestly haven't decided where and when it will be come to light, or if it will at all. Just know that there is a reason why he is the father, it wasn't just for the sake of making him out to be a jerk.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Third chapter in under 24 hours, so make sure you read chapters 10 and 11 before you read this one!**

The following morning Addison was shuffling back to her bed with the help of a nurse when Alex came in with a wheelchair. "Oh good, you're up. Get in. Someone wants to see you."

She groaned a little as she sat down, then grabbed one of the bunnies from the nightstand. "How is she?" she asked after taking a few deep breaths to recover from the pain.

"Shepherd hasn't been in to see you yet?"

"No, not since yesterday."

Alex grinned behind Addison's back, glad that he would be the one to give her the good news. "Oh, I thought he was coming to talk to you after rounds. I would have been here sooner if I had known he wasn't. She had a few more seizures overnight but other than that she looks good."

"Has she had a repeat CT? What if she has another bleed?" Addison asked as Alex pushed her towards the NICU. "That could be causing the seizures."

"Addison, she just had brain surgery. Seizures are normal at this point, you know that. Her last CT showed no bleeding, and she has no other signs of a bleed so relax. She's okay."

"Yeah, but-"

"But nothing. She's okay."

Addison crossed her arms and huffed as they entered the NICU. "Know-it-all."

"Ooo, that really hurts. Especially since I learned it all from the biggest know-it-all on the west coast. Now shut up and say hello to your daughter." He reached for Addison's arm and helped her stand up slowly.

Addison squealed as she looked in the isolette. "Oh my God! She's off the vent! When did that happen?"

"Couple hours ago. Told you she was good."

"Look at you, Ella! Are you mommy's big, strong girl? Yes, you are! You're strongest, bravest girl in the whole world and mommy loves you so much," she cooed as she reached into the isolette, set the bunny inside, and stroked her daughter's tiny palm with one finger. She broke into a huge grin when the baby grabbed a hold of her. "Alex, look! She's holding my finger! Oh! She's opening her eyes! Look at you, pretty girl! You're so beautiful!"

"I told you she was gorgeous."

"She is. She's perfect. Oh, I just want to pick her up and squeeze her."

"Soon. Shepherd will probably remove the EVD in a few days when he replaces the skull cap," Alex explained, referring to the tube that allowed excess fluid to drain from Ella's brain, "and then you'll be able to hold her." He was about to go check his other patients when Ella started seizing. "It's okay. They don't usually last more than thirty seconds," he said calmly, but a minute later she escalated from a partial complex seizure to a tonic clonic seizure. He ordered the anti-seizure meds and injected them into her IV.

Addison watched in horror as the seizure progressed and her daughter turned blue. Sure, she'd seen it happen hundreds of times but never with her own child. Finally the meds kicked in and Ella was still, her color returning to normal. Addison burst into tears.

Alex pulled her into a hug. "Add, she's fine. She's okay, look at her. She's fine," he soothed as he rubbed her back.

"This is all my fault. I shouldn't have worked as long as I did. Then she wouldn't be here having seizures. We'd be going home-"

"Addison, you had a placental abruption. Nothing you did caused it, and you know that. I know you do. It just happens. It could have happened any time, anywhere, and the way you were bleeding neither of you would be here if it had happened anywhere but in the hospital. I could have gone to your house after work and found you dead, so it's a good thing you decided to keep working. And even if you had a perfectly normal birth, the aneurysm could have burst anyways so stop playing the blame game and be happy you're both alive." His words were blunt but his voice tender and calming as he wiped her tears away, then grabbed a tissue and held it to her nose. "Blow, before you get snot all over my lab coat."

She laughed in spite of herself and grabbed the tissue. "I'm not a child, I can do it myself." He waited a few minutes to make sure she was okay, then went to check his other patients.

After about an hour Alex returned and could see Addison was getting a bit shaky. "Okay, visiting hours are over," he informed her, with a gesture towards the wheelchair.

"No they're not. This is my unit, I know when visiting hours are."

"Addison-"

"We just got here! I'm not leaving."

"You're tired, and you're in pain. You need to rest."

"All I've done is stand here and talk to my baby. I'm not tired."

"And you were up walking-"

"Yeah, all the way to the bathroom. Yay me. Someone get me a gold star."

Alex put his hands on his hips and stared Addison down. "What did I tell you yesterday?"

She looked away and sighed before grumbling her reply. "That I'm the worst patient ever."

Alex had to laugh. "Okay, I was thinking about the part where I told you that you need to take care of yourself so you can take care of Ella but that works too. You really are the worst patient ever."

"But technically I'm not _your_ patient," she argued weakly.

"Just get in the chair. If anything changes I will have someone come get you immediately, I promise. Otherwise, I'll bring you back this afternoon after you get some rest. But only if you sit your ass down and shut up."

Although she hated to admit it, she really was too tired to argue any more. "Fine. But I'm only going back because Derek's probably looking for me. I'm not tired. And since you're making me leave my baby you should probably go get me ice cream to make up for it."

Alex chose not to point out that if Derek was looking for her he would surely know to check the NICU, and instead chose to focus on her request. "It's ten thirty in the morning. Did you even eat breakfast?"

She wrinkled her nose. "It was gross. Get me ice cream or I don't leave."

"Okay. Ice cream it is. Now sit."

They were just leaving the NICU when Derek approached. "There you are. I meant to stop by after rounds but I got paged to the pit," he offered up as an excuse. "I'll take her the rest of the way, Karev."

"Well, I'm headed that way anyways, I can take her," Alex lied. While he didn't know Derek was the baby's father, he did know the guy had been a bit of a jerk to Addison lately, as she had confessed to him - only after Meredith told him about the baby's heart condition - Derek's behavior after Meredith's last appointment and he wasn't thrilled about leaving her alone with him while she was still recovering and vulnerable.

"It's fine, Alex. Don't forget the ice cream."

He looked her in the eye. _Are you sure?_ She nodded almost imperceptibly. "Okay. One ice cream coming up."

Addison allowed Derek to help her back in bed and waited for the nurse to administer her overdue - and much needed - pain meds before she started grilling him. "So, she looks good?"

He nods. "She does. Her stats are good, reflexes are good, she's alert…"

"You think she'll make a full recovery?" She sounded hopeful now.

"She might. But Addison, we've been over this. It's too early to know for sure. She was without oxygen for a long time, you know that, and there is a chance she'll have deficits. They might not surface for months, or years, but you know the odds. Fine and gross motor delays, learning disabilities, the seizures may never go away-"

"But she's going to live. The other stuff...I can deal with that as it comes up, but you think she's going to live?"

"It's too early," he repeats, "but yes, I think she has a good chance. Obviously the next two weeks are crucial. Like I said before, she's at risk for another bleed, or a stroke, but she looks good and I'm cautiously optimistic. Good enough?"

"Good enough."

Alex returned from the cafeteria just as she fell asleep. He shook his head. "I told her she was tired."

"Karev, you can't tell that woman anything," Derek scoffed with a chuckle as they walked away.

 **Yay, Addison got to see Ella! Nothing too exciting. I'm still struggling with whether to have Ella's paternity revealed or not, and how to do it. Thoughts and suggestions welcome and, as always, reviews appreciated!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys! Sorry for the delay. I finally binge watched 13 Reasons Why this week (when I should have been writing) and am now even more in love with Kate Walsh than I already was, which I never knew was possible. That's all fine and good except I'm having a hard time getting out of Olivia Baker headspace and back into Addison Montgomery headspace. Anyways, I added chapter 12 on Wednesday but it never showed it was updated so if you missed it (most of my regulars haven't reviewed so I feel like you probably did miss it) definitely read it first!**

A few days later Ella was back in surgery, leaving Addison to wait anxiously in her room for an update. It was a simple procedure - removing the drain and replacing the skull cap - that didn't require Derek to cut into Ella's brain, but that didn't stop her from wringing her hands and checking the time every other minute. "Addison, relax!" Callie ordered.

"But it's been forever-"

"It's been an hour. Addison, it's a simple procedure. Derek could do it in his sleep. She's fine. Chill out and eat your lunch."

"Don't you have somewhere to be?"

Callie grinned. Addison had her snark back, a sure sign that she was definitely starting to feel better. "Not for half an hour, so you're stuck with me. Now eat!"

Addison sneered and poked at the gummy-looking macaroni and cheese. "I really don't think this is even food. How are patients supposed to get better eating it?" She took one bite and pushed it away. "Nope, can't do- Derek!" She brightened at the appearance of his smiling face in the doorway. "How is she?"

"She's great. Made it through like a champ. She's in recovery now. Someone will come get you when she's back in the NICU."

"Well, I could go see her in recovery…" That was true, she _could_. Parents aren't generally allowed in recovery, but who would stop _Doctor Addison Forbes Montgomery_?

"Addison, relax. It won't be long. Finish your...whatever that is."

"Yeah, that's what I said." She poked it again and grimaced. "You think I can get pizza delivered up here?" Derek chuckled and walked away shaking his head.

Callie laughed. "Tell you what. You choke that down now and I promise I'll bring you real food when I get off tonight. Deal?"

"Deal."

She had just finished when an aide entered the room with a wheelchair. "Your daughter is out of recovery," she announced cheerfully.

"Look, I can walk, you know. Made it all the way down the hall and back this morning."

"Hospital policy, doctor Montgomery." Of course Addison knew that. She reluctantly got in and was soon facing a very happy Alex.

"She's still pretty groggy, but off the vent already. She did great."

Addison got to her feet slowly as the baby started whimpering. "Oh, I know, baby, I know you feel yucky. It's okay. Mommy's here," she soothed as she rubbed the baby's belly. She was so focused on Ella that she didn't notice Alex drag a rocking chair over.

"Sit."

"I'm fine. I can't see her from down there," she argued.

"Yes you can." He took her by the shoulders and all but forced her to sit before turning to the isolette. She was about to protest when she realized what was happening. Soon Alex was lifting a swaddled Ella from the isolette and gently settling her in Addison's arms, careful not to disrupt any of the wires or tubes attached to her tiny body. "There. How's the view?"

She swallowed hard and blinked back tears. "Perfect." She stroked Ella's cheek and giggled when the baby turned towards her, mouth open wide and making a sucking motion. "Oh, I think somebody's hungry. Yes I do. Are you ready to eat, baby girl?" she cooed before looking up at Alex. "What do you think, Doctor Karev, too soon?"

"I think she's alert enough to give it a try, but you knew that already," he accused.

"Look, I'm _trying_ not to be that know-it-all worst-patient-ever doctor, okay? Go with it."

He laughed and shook his head. "It was a nice try. You want a bottle, or…"

"No, I want to try nursing. I'm off the narcotics," she assured him as she unsnapped her gown. It took a bit of help from a nurse to get Ella positioned, especially with Addison's ribs still being sore, but soon the baby was latched on and suckling frantically. "Look at you go, you little piggy. You really were hungry, huh?"

Alex got up and planted a kiss on Addison's forehead. "Okay, much as I'd love to hang out with my two favorite girls, I have patients to check on and surgery. I'll catch ya later."

He returned a few hours later to find Addison rocking contentedly with Ella propped up on her shoulder. "You're still here."

"I am. We've had a very exciting afternoon. I got to change her diaper, and give her a bath, and she just ate again," Addison announced happily as she patted the baby's back, then laughed as Ella let out a surprisingly loud burp. "And now she spit up all down my back, didn't she?"

"That she did. I'm afraid your super sexy hospital robe is ruined," he teased as he took Ella and settled her in the isolette to examine her. "Any more seizures?"

"Yeah, a half dozen or so, just small ones. Derek stopped by. He wants to switch up her meds to see if we can get them under control before she goes home."

"He's talking about discharging her already?"

"Oh, not yet, but she should be ready to move to the level II nursery in a few days. He thinks I might be able to take her home by the end of next week."

"Nice. What about you?" He knew most c section patients were able to go home within three to five days and she was four days post-op.

She frowned. "I was hoping for today or tomorrow, but Adams thinks I need a few more days since it wasn't just a typical c section."

"And you didn't sign out AMA? I'm shocked," he taunted.

"I told you, I'm trying to be a good patient! And even if I was discharged I'd still be here all day anyways, so what's the difference?" she pointed out as she got back in the wheelchair. "Besides, I have a little...problem to work out."

"A problem? What kind of problem?" he asked as he pushed her back to her room.

"It's nothing, just typical post-c section stuff. Adams has it under control, don't worry."

"If you say so." They got back to her room and he waited for her to use the bathroom before getting her settled in bed. "Get some rest. I'll stop by after my shift."

OoOoOoO

A few days later Alex had just checked in with a patient in maternity whose baby he would be operating on and was about to head to lunch when he heard Doctor Adams. "I'll send her right in, Doctor Montgomery," she said before leaving the room.

Curious, he approached Addison's room and found her sitting on the bed, still dressed in a hospital gown, scowling. "Hey. I thought you were leaving this morning."

"Yeah, well, I can't go."

"I see that, but why?" He reached for her chart and flipped it open.

"No, Alex, remember the other day when I said I had a problem? I can't... _go_. You know…"

Alex snapped the chart shut and dropped it back in the slot. "Oh, you mean…"

"Yeah."

"Like, not at all? All week?"

"Yeah."

Alex grimaced. "Dude, that sucks."

" _Yeah_ , I _know_."

"You do know you can take some-"

Addison shook her head and sighed. "Tried that yesterday. And the day before. Didn't help at all, so now Adams is sending the intern to do a...you know." By now she was more than scowling; it was more like a death stare and Alex was barely suppressing the urge to laugh. "You gotta help me! An _intern_! Sticking _that thing_ …"

"Okay, I realize you were unconscious at the time but just so you're aware, _that intern_ scrubbed in on your surgery so there isn't much of you she hasn't seen at this point…" Alex interrupted.

"Not helping, Alex." Addison blushed and buried her face in her hands for a minute before looking back up at him. "You gotta help me. When she gets here just tell her I went, I'm good, I can go home. Okay?"

"I'm not lying for you. There is a reason we don't discharge patients until they have a bowel movement. If there is something more serious going on, it's better to find out while you're still here."

"Oh, come on! I'm a doctor! I'll be fine. Just tell her."

"You're the one that's in a rush to get out of here, you tell her."

She blushed even more. "Okay, so I _may_ have lied to Adams already...more than once...so she _may_ have told the intern not to believe me…"

This time Alex couldn't hold back the laughter. "What happened to you trying to be a good patient? But really, what's the big deal? It's perfectly normal after surgery, when you're on painkillers...it's nothing to be embarrassed about, we're professionals, we see it all the time," he recited, knowing she'd probably given the same speech thousands of times herself.

"That's easy for you to say! You're not the one getting a tube shoved up your...oh, hi Doctor

Nordgren." She shot a withering gaze towards the door and Alex turned to see the petite blonde intern looking every bit as embarrassed as Addison.

The intern forced a smile. "Doctor Montgomery, Doctor Adams said I have to…"

"Yeah," Addison said dryly before turning to Alex and mouthing _save me_. When he just shook his head and snorted she looked back at Nina. "I appreciate it, Doctor Nordgren, but Doctor Karev here can take care of that."

Alex jumped up from his chair. "Oh, geez, look at the time! I better go check on the Benton baby," he lied before bolting out the door. "I'll see you later!"

"Karev!" she shouted, but he was long gone. She huffed and glared at the intern. "Okay, then. Let's just get this over with," she muttered, resigning herself to her fate.

OoOoOoO

Alex was rounding on his patients when Addison entered the NICU a few hours later, fully dressed. "I take it you worked your problems out?" he snickered, earning him a slap to the back of the head.

"Not funny, Karev," she grumbled, but laughed despite her best efforts not to. "But yes, problem solved - no thanks to you - and I'm free."

"Well, that's good. I'm glad you're feeling better. So, you need a ride home?"

"No, I called a cab. It'll be here in an hour, I just want to see Ella before I leave," she said as she scooped her daughter up, then got settled in the rocking chair to nurse her.

"So, Williams says she's ready to go to the level II nursery. They're moving her tomorrow morning."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Addison mused as she rocked.

"No, it's good, one step closer to going home. I just won't get to see her as much and have to trust some other resident to take care of her," Alex admitted.

Addison's heart melted. "Aw, Alex, she'll be home soon and then you'll get to see her every day. But until then I'm sure the other resident will take good care of her."

The hour ended much too soon. Addison bit her lip and fought back tears as she reluctantly put Ella back in the isolette. "How do people do this, go home without their babies?"

"Addison, she'll be fine. You'll be back tomorrow, and the day after that, and every day after that until she's ready to go. She's in good hands, and I will call you if anything happens, I promise," Alex said as he wiped the tears away with his thumbs before kissing her forehead. "Okay? Now go. Spend as much time as you want in the shower, sleep in your own bed without being woken up every hour, and eat something besides hospital food. I'll stop by when I get out, and I'll even bring dinner."

 **Okay, yes, much of the second part of this chapter revolves entirely around #2. I'm almost ashamed to post it but it** _ **is**_ **a concern after surgery and also I felt we needed a bit of humor so there you go. And let's be real, Addison is just awkward af sometimes (I mean, hel-** _ **lo**_ **, she got poison oak where no one wants poison oak) so I feel like this is something that would happen. You're welcome. Or, I'm sorry. I don't know. Next chapter will be better, I promise.**


	14. Chapter 14

**So, reviews have pretty much come to a grinding halt over the last few chapters (except SarcasticAlexWilliams - thanks for sticking with me! - and a few newbies). Not sure if no one is interested in this any more, everyone is busy with summer activities, or if y'all just don't know I'm updating or what. I don't write for the reviews, but it does help to know people are reading so if you could spare a minute for a review, even if it only says "hey, I'm still reading!" that would be great. It's nice to know, as my fave ff writer winter machine says, that I'm not writing into a void.**

A week later Addison got out of the shower - a much longer shower than necessary, but with Ella expected to be discharged that day she figured it would be her last shot at a long, uninterrupted shower for a while - and checked her phone. Six missed calls, all from Alex. Before she could call him back it rang again.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been calling you for half an hour!"

"Don't yell at me! What's wrong?"

"Ella had two grand mal seizures, went into status both times. She's on her way to CT now."

"Shit. I'm on my way."

By the time Addison got to the hospital, hair still wet and face bare, and ran to CT they were already gone. She was on her way to the nursery when she caught a glimpse of Alex. "Alex! Where is she?"

He sprinted to her side. "Being prepped for surgery. She has another bleed, same spot as the first, and it caused a hemorrhagic stroke."

"A...stroke? But she was fine yesterday! She's supposed to go home today!"

He gave her a quick hug and kiss. "I'm sorry. I gotta go, Shepherd doesn't want to waste any time getting into surgery."

His somber demeanor didn't escape her. "I have to see her."

"Add, we gotta get in there. This one...it's bad…"

"But what if…" She didn't have to finish her sentence.

He sighed and nodded. "Go."

She ran off and found Ella; the sight of her daughter, once again on a ventilator, was disheartening when scarcely more than twelve hours ago she was completely free of tubes and wires, one sleep away from leaving the hospital. She barely had time to kiss her daughter and murmur _I love you_ before the infant was whisked away, leaving her to make her way to the waiting room on her own. She wasn't alone long, though, before word got out about Ella.

Richard found her first. All it took was one glance at his gentle eyes and outstretched arms for her to fall apart. "Addie, Derek is the best. He got her through the first surgery, and he'll get her through this one," he said softly as she cried into his shoulder and he stroked her hair.

"But Alex said it's worse this time. She had a stroke. A stroke! She's two weeks old! She's already had one ruptured aneurysm, and brain surgery, and now a stroke! How much more can she take?" she managed to get out between sobs.

Richard remained calm. "Kids are resilient, Addie, you know that. Derek will get her through this."

She wanted to believe him, but his confidence wasn't enough to keep her from pacing the floor.

Callie came next, and somehow managed to get her to sit for a few minutes. "She was going home today, Cal," Addison muttered as she dug through the bag she'd packed the night before and pulled out a little sleeper. It was soft and white and ridiculously adorable, with little bunnies printed on it. The feet were bunny faces, the matching hat had long, floppy ears, there was even a fluffy little tail on the back. Callie had bought it after seeing the finished nursery. "This was supposed to be her going home outfit. I was so excited to finally see her in real clothes," she choked out as she clutched the fabric as if she was holding on for dear life.

Bailey and Mark joined them next, offering hugs and shoulders to cry on. They all had surgeries, patients to check on, and paperwork to do but between the four of them they managed to make sure someone was with Addison at all times. They brought tissues that she went through at an almost alarming rate, food and drinks that went untouched. Alex appeared every hour or so with updates that did nothing to calm her frayed nerves.

Finally Derek appeared after the longest five and a half hours of her life. At the sight of his grim face her already racing heart sped up, her throat tightened, and, before he could get a word out, everything went black.

OoOoOoO

"You know, I'm starting to think you just like attention, the way you keep causing a scene," Derek teased gently as her eyes fluttered open. "Ella made it through surgery. She's in recovery now," he added quickly before she had a chance to work herself into a panic again.

"She's okay?" Addison asked hopefully as she took in her surroundings, a bit confused about what was going on.

"Addie, I didn't say that. It was a bad bleed, much more extensive than the first one. She coded three times, and she bled out - a lot. She's not out of the woods, not by a long shot." He hated breaking the news to her in her present state, but he knew she would hate it even more if he gave her false hope.

"I need to see her," she asserted as she attempted to sit up, only to have Bailey hold her down and point out the IV in her arm.

"Your bony ass isn't going anywhere yet," Bailey informed her in a no-nonsense tone. "Girl, you're recovering from surgery, you're breastfeeding, and you're running yourself ragged spending every waking minute in this hospital! You are dehydrated, your blood sugar is low, and you're exhausted. How the hell are you gonna take care of that baby when you can't even take care of yourself? Until that bag of saline is empty and you've eaten something - and I mean real food, not your usual cup of coffee and two bites of whatever pastry the coffee cart is offering today - you're staying right here."

"Yeah, but Ella-"

"Ella is going to be in recovery for a while, and Karev is staying right there with her," Derek interrupted. "If anything changes someone will come get you, but she's stable for now."

Callie appeared with a tray from the cafeteria - salad, some yogurt, a turkey sandwich, cut fruit; Addison noted appreciatively that at least this time there was none of that alarmingly orange, curiously rubbery mac and cheese, nor the mysterious meat loaf an aide had tried to convince her to eat on another occasion. It took some effort - and a few pauses to will herself not to vomit - but eventually the tray was empty enough to appease Bailey. Satisfied, she removed the IV and returned to work, leaving just Derek and Callie. Derek met eyes with Callie and nodded towards the door, hoping she would take the hint and give him some time alone with Addison.

"Okay, I need to get back to work. I'll stop by to see you and Ella before I leave, but in the meantime let me know if you need anything." She gave Addison a hug and headed out.

Derek took a seat on the edge of the bed. "Addie, we need to talk. Ella...she's not doing well. At this point I think it's unrealistic to expect that she won't have severe deficits from the stroke. The seizures aren't going to stop. She's at risk for another bleed or stroke. You need to prepare yourself-"

"No."

"Yes. You need to prepare yourself for the possibility that she might not make it, and I think it would be wise to decide now what you want to do if she has another bleed, if you want to continue heroic measures if she codes again, how long you want to keep her on the vent if she doesn't start breathing on her own…"

"That's easy for you to say, because you don't care about her."

"No, Addison, it's not easy for me to say, and I _do_ care about her. Not because she's my daughter, because I made my feelings about that very clear, but because you care about her. You've done what I would consider to be some terrible things, but you're not a terrible person. You're a good person, and a good mother, and I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy. I pray that Ella proves me wrong and pulls through this, but it doesn't do anyone any good to sugarcoat things. Realistically there is a very good chance that she is going to die, and you need to accept that and think about what's best for her. How much more do you really want to put her through?"

"Well, I'm not ready to accept it. Remember when it was your baby we were talking about? I said I couldn't help you, so you chased me down the hall and begged until I agreed to do the surgery. Now I'm begging you. Do whatever you have to do to save my little girl. When I went to LA a few years ago, I didn't just go for a vacation. I went because I wanted Nae to help me get pregnant, and she told me it was impossible. I was never supposed to get pregnant. Ella is my miracle, and now that I've had a hysterectomy, I won't get a chance for another one so I really, really need you to save her. I don't care if she's disabled. I don't care if she never walks or talks. I don't care if I have to feed her, and bathe her, and change her diapers for the rest of her life. I just need her here, so you do what you gotta do to make that happen."

Derek sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Addison…"

"I am not ready to give up, and I am not ready to consider just letting her die. End of discussion." With that she stormed off to find Ella, leaving Derek shaking his head.

 **Ooo, yeah, I did that. Oops. Sorry. But this wouldn't be Grey's if it was all sunshine and rainbows, am I right? Just be glad I didn't leave you with a cliffhanger. Which, you should know, I did consider, but I figured then you'd really hate me. And also it would have made this chapter pitifully short. So yay for no cliffhangers?**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey, y'all, thanks for taking the time to review! I feel much better knowing you're still with me.**

Alex was getting caught up on charts in the NICU when Addison blew in like a hurricane, all flashing eyes and burning cheeks as she scanned the room for her daughter. He approached her from behind and snaked an arm around her waist. "Hey, you okay? I heard you passed out."

"I'm fine," she snapped as she pulled away before swiping at her eyes with the back of her hand, then continued looking for Ella.

He pointed to an isolette in the far corner. "Addison-"

"I _said_ I'm _fine_." She stomped over to Ella and reached into the isolette. "Hey little girl, mommy's here." She could feel Alex's gaze burning through her, so she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before looking over her shoulder at him.

"Look, if you're mad about this morning, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell-"

Her face softened as she interrupted him. "No, I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry. It's not you, Alex, it's Derek." She paused and stroked Ella's leg, the only part of her little body with no tubes or wires attached. "He thinks...he thinks I should sign a DNR. And take her off life support."

Anger flashed in his eyes. "He said that?"

"Okay, maybe not that exactly, but he said I should think about it. I don't want to. I'm not ready to give up. He doesn't think she'll pull through, but I'm not ready to give up on my miracle baby yet." She looked away, teeth tugging at her bottom lip. "He's right," she finally admitted. "If the tables were turned, I'd probably be saying the same thing right now. But I wanted her so bad, for so long, and I won't get another chance so I'm not ready to let her go. I can't."

He reached over and tucked a strand of frizzy, tangled hair behind her ear. "You don't have to, not yet. Yes, you will need to make some decisions eventually, but not right this minute. Give it a couple days, see how she is once we wean her off the sedatives. She's a fighter. Tough as nails. I'm not ready to count her out either, so we'll do whatever we have to do to get her through the next few days, and go from there. Sound like a plan?"

She managed a smile, though it didn't come close to reaching her eyes, and slipped her free hand into one of his. "Yeah. It's a plan."

Alex left her to check on his other patients and perform back-to-back surgeries. He sighed when he got back to the NICU and found Addison still standing guard over Ella. "Addison, come on. It's time to go."

"I'm not leaving."

"It's after nine o'clock-"

"Parents are allowed to visit twenty-four hours a day."

"- and I'm guessing you haven't eaten-"

"I ate lunch. You can ask Miranda."

"One meal a day isn't enough. If you really want to stay tonight - just tonight - I won't argue, but we're going to get something to eat and I'm not taking no for an answer," he asserted with crossed arms.

"I'm not leaving the hospital."

"The cafeteria is closed, and you're not eating crap out of a vending machine. How about that diner down the street?"

"How about no?"

"Addison." He wanted to argue but she fixed him with an icy stare. "Okay, fine. How about I go get you something? Will you take a break and eat?"

"You don't have to do that. You've been here all day, you should go home and get some sleep. I'm really not hungry anyways."

"Yeah, hi pot, I'm kettle. I'm going to get food, and you're going to meet me in the lounge in half an hour. Non-negotiable." Before she could protest he was out the door, and half an hour later he texted her saying he was back. She begrudgingly slipped out of the NICU - though only after making the on-duty nurse swear to call her if anything changed - and found Alex in the lounge with chicken soup and sandwiches from their favorite deli.

She had to admit it was a welcome change after a steady diet consisting mainly of coffee, barely-touched cafeteria meals, and the occasional vending machine junk, and it didn't take long for her to polish it off. He was halfway done with his sandwich when he caught her eyeballing his soup. He was tempted to make a snide comment about her not being hungry, but just nudged it towards her. "You want it?"

"Oh, no, I'm good."

"You're starving. I had a late lunch, I'm not that hungry," he lied. "Eat it or it's just gonna get thrown out." He didn't have to tell her twice; she had it gone before he finished his sandwich, and he held back an _I told you so_. "So, you're really staying here tonight?" he asked a few minutes later as he cleaned up their mess.

"Yeah, I just...if something happens...I don't want her to be alone, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. I could stay too, if you want."

She patted his leg and kissed his cheek. "You have to work in the morning, you should go get some sleep. But thank you. For everything."

"Okay. I'll see you in the morning."

 **oooooooo**

When Alex arrived at six the next morning, he found Addison asleep in the rocking chair, her head drooping awkwardly to one side. _She'll be sorry when she wakes up_ , he thought. He tried to be quiet as he examined Ella and checked the notes from overnight in her chart, but soon Addison stirred. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Have a nice nap?" She just groaned and winced as she attempted to right herself. "I knew this was a bad idea," he added as he moved behind her and started massaging her stiff, sore neck.

"Yeah, well, it's not like there was really any other option," she croaked as she blinked in the unforgiving fluorescent lights.

"So, she did okay overnight?"

She sighed. "She's no better than she was last night, but she hasn't gotten any worse so I guess she did okay."

"Give it time. She's sedated, and still working the anesthesia out of her system."

"Yeah, I guess. Oh, crap. It's too early to deal with him." Alex followed her gaze to the door, where Derek was making his entrance, and sneered.

"Karev. Addison."

Before he could get another word out she spoke up. "I'm still not ready to talk about it. Not right now, not later today, probably not tomorrow. So don't start," she warned with an emphatic jab of her finger. "I'll let you know when."

He threw his hands up in surrender. "Not a word. Just here to check on my patient," he insisted before beginning his exam. "I'll admit she did better than I expected." _Of course when you expect death anything is an improvement, so that's not saying much._

Once Alex was satisfied Derek meant no harm he moved on to his other patients. A little later, Callie and Arizona appeared. "Last I checked, she didn't need an orthopedic surgeon or a peds surgeon," Addison quipped in a lame attempt at humor.

"I'm here for you. I know you don't want to leave Ella alone so Arizona is going to stay here with her, and you are coming with me."

"Why?"

"Because apparently you don't eat unless someone forces you to. Today it's my job, so get a move on, Montgomery."

"Okay, wait. You guys actually have assigned days to basically babysit me?"

"Mmm, no, not really. But don't think we won't, because we will if we have to. Nobody wants a repeat of yesterday."

"Okay, you win. Breakfast it is." She stood up slowly and stretched, grimacing as her aching back snapped and cracked. "Ugh, I'm one pop short of a rice crispie treat. Mmm, rice crispie treats...those are breakfast, right? I mean, they are cereal," she mused as they made their way to the cafeteria.

Callie shook her head slowly. "Don't test my patience, woman."

Much to Callie's relief Addison chose oatmeal, yogurt, and fruit for breakfast and are most of it with little prodding. "There. Was that so hard?"

Addison rolled her eyes. "Look, yesterday was just a freak thing, okay? I was just getting out of the shower when Alex called, I didn't have time for breakfast, and then Ella was in surgery and I was too nervous to eat. No big deal. You don't have to...hover. I'm fine. You all have more important things to worry about than me."

"Addison, you don't pass out from missing one meal. I see you. We all do. You're with Ella all day, every day. And that's great, I'm glad you can be there for her. But you live on coffee, maybe a few bites of food here and there but mostly coffee. Yeah, she's recovering from surgery, but you seem to forget that you had major surgery two weeks ago, too. We all love Ella, but we love you, too, and we worry about you so start taking better care of yourself. Please?"

"Okay, I will."

"Promise?"

"I promise. Now, I'm sure Arizona has patients to see, so can I go back upstairs now?"

"Go ahead. But remember, we're watching you, Montgomery. You skip lunch and we'll know…"

More eye rolling. "Okay! I get it!" She feigned annoyance, but truthfully it was nice to know she had people who cared about her.

Up in the NICU she thanked Arizona profusely for staying with Ella before pulling up a stool. For hours nothing changed, and then suddenly, with no warning, alarms were going off. Cardiac arrest. Alex materialized seemingly out of thin air and shoved her aside. "Okay, let's push one point five milligrams of epi," he ordered the nurses as he readied the defibrillator; fortunately he didn't need it, as the screeching of the alarm quickly changed back to the steady beat of a heart. "That's not nice, little girl," he scolded gently as everyone returned to their previous activities. "No more of that. It scares mommy."

The rest of the day passed uneventfully; there were no major improvements, but there was also no more cardiac arrest, no more seizures than usual. As promised, Addison dragged herself away long enough to eat lunch and dinner; she even let Alex talk her into going home for the night. When she arrived at the hospital the following morning to discover there had been no crises, major or minor, overnight, she dared to think that maybe things were going to be okay.

 **For those of you that were following my other two stories, I'm sorry. I do intend to pick them back up eventually, but I've really gotten sucked into this one. I'm also trying to choose between continuing my other fic After All (under the name Addisex-Owns-My-Life) and just starting from scratch with something (Addex, of course) ridiculously happy and fluffy and non-angsty. Thoughts?**


	16. Chapter 16

**Wow, thank you all for the awesome reviews! I love and appreciate all of you and am so pleased that you're enjoying this (okay, maybe not enjoying, because I have tortured you with quite a bit of angst, but at least you're sticking with me) so far.**

 **Apologies for the wait. To be honest, the bulk of this has been done for over two freakin' weeks now. But writer's block and a massive lack of motivation hit...I've opened it and stared at it at** _ **least**_ **three dozen times and just couldn't get my shit together and finish it and now summer is here, and I'm busy so who knows when updates will happen? I do promise to push on through and finish it up, though.**

That morning Derek decided it was time to wean Ella off the sedatives. Addison sat anxiously at her side, looking for signs of improvement. She hardly dared to blink, fearing she might miss the fluttering of lashes, the twitch of a finger, any movement besides the rhythmic, too-perfect rise and fall of her daughter's chest. She prayed for an alert from the monitor signaling that Ella was breathing over the vent. Nothing.

Minutes turned to hours, hours to days, and for a week nothing changed. She found it hard to keep her promise to Callie; nothing tasted good, and it just sat like lead in the pit of her stomach anyways. The whispers and stares she drew every time she ventured beyond the cocoon of the NICU were a painful reminder that she was a shell of the woman she'd been less than a month ago. She knew what people were saying. _Doctor Montgomery, the OB/GYN who blew her one chance to have a baby; the world-renowned neonatal surgeon whose baby can't be saved. She's losing it, she's letting herself go._ Once upon a time (it felt like a lifetime ago, not three and a half weeks) she strutted confidently through the halls in impossibly high heels and eye-catching pencil skirts; now she lived in her old Yale hoodie - her grown-up version of a security blanket - and showed up in leggings or sweatpants - the only things that didn't irritate her incision - and running shoes, hoping to slip unnoticed from the parking lot to the NICU where most of the parents looked as shell-shocked and disheveled as she did. Gone were the days when her hair and makeup had to be perfect. There was no point agonizing over eyeliner when she was going to cry it off anyways, right? And her hair? She really wasn't even sure when she last washed it, let alone attempted anything more complicated than a ponytail.

She was sitting in the rocking chair she'd claimed as her own, one leg drawn up to her chest, the other propelling her ever-so-slightly, when Derek approached and pulled up a stool. "Hey, how's Meredith? Have you two met with the cardiologist yet?" She wasn't terribly interested in his reply, though she did feel slightly guilty that she hadn't inquired about the twins since her ordeal began; she was just eager for any conversation besides the one she knew Derek wanted to have.

"We did, and we have another appointment with her next week. Meredith is doing well, and both boys are fine for the time being."

She nodded. "Good. That's good. And she's still working?"

"Addison, I'm not here to talk about Meredith." He tried to take her hand but she pulled away. "Addie, it's been a week. She hasn't shown any signs of improvement."

"The seizures stopped."

"That's because we changed her meds, not because she's getting better." True, he had upped the dose of one, discontinued the other, and added a new one to the mix, which seemed to do the trick.

"She's not getting any worse."

"Addison, that could change at any minute. You need a plan. If something happens and you're not here, we need to know how far to go, and when enough is enough."

"It would be so much easier for you, wouldn't it?" she whispered ferociously. "Just let her go, get rid of her so your dirty little secret can stay safe. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

He looked as though he'd been slapped, and it gave her a small shred of satisfaction. She knew it wasn't true, that he didn't feel that way - probably not, anyways - but she was hurting and, even though it was wrong, she wanted him to hurt too, to feel something, _anything_ , over the plight of the child he'd helped create. "Addison-"

"I'm sorry. I'm not ready. Just leave me alone." Her voice was tiny but firm as she rested her forehead on her knee.

"Fine. When you're ready to talk, you know where to find me."

"Yeah, don't count on it."

…..

The next afternoon, after another restless night, Addison was fighting a losing battle with her eyelids when a blaring alarm rid her of any need for sleep. She glanced at the monitor and barely suppressed the urge to jump up and dance. "She's breathing! She's actually breathing!" she squealed as Nicole Williams hurried over and examined Ella.

"Yes, she is," Nicole agreed happily as she adjusted the settings on the ventilator. "Let's just see if we can't get her breathing a little more."

An hour later Alex appeared, tired after a long surgery. "What's going on?" he asked, surprised to find Addison with an ear-to-ear grin on her face.

"She's starting to breathe on her own! And she opened her eyes. I mean it was for, like, two seconds, but still. And she grabbed my finger!" That was a bit of a stretch. She'd touched Ella's hand, and the baby's fingers had just barely curled around hers for a split second. It wasn't much, but it was a step in the right direction.

Alex grinned. "That's awesome. Way to go, Ella. You're gonna prove that grumpy old doctor Shepherd wrong, aren't you?"

It took another day, but by the following evening everyone was in agreement that Ella was ready to be extubated. Addison was certain that the weak, raspy cry that followed was the most beautiful sound she'd ever heard. "It's okay, baby, it's okay. It's all over now," she soothed as she waited for Nicole and Alex to confirm that it was okay for her to pick Ella up. Finally Nicole gave her the thumbs up, and she settled in the chair with Ella.

"So, why don't we see if she wants to eat?" Nicole suggested.

"Yeah? You think so?"

"Might as well."

Addison unbuttoned her top and, after what seemed like forever, got the baby into position but something didn't feel right. "I don't think this is working. She's not latching on right, and I don't think she's getting anything," she admitted in defeat when Ella pulled away and fussed for the third time.

"Okay, no big deal. Sometimes a bottle is easier, so let's try that instead."

A nurse procured a bottle and Addison was relieved to see Ella take to it with more ease than the breast, but she was concerned that half the milk was running down her chin. When Ella started coughing and sputtering a few moments later, she set the bottle aside. "Okay, I don't think this is a good idea," she fretted as she patted the baby's back.

"Addison, it's okay," Nicole assured her calmly. "You know this happens sometimes after a brain injury because of abnormal muscle tone, uncoordinated breathing, sucking, and swallowing. We'll continue with the NG tube for now, and I'll call speech pathology first thing in the morning for a consult. We'll get it all figured out. Try not to worry too much."

Addison spent a few more hours with Ella, then tucked her back into the isolette for the night and headed home. While she was sad that Ella would, apparently, continue to struggle, it was far outweighed by her excitement that Ella was finally awake and alert. For the first time in over three weeks she managed to get a decent amount of sleep, and she all but pranced through the halls of the hospital the next morning. She almost ran into Derek as she was getting on the elevator.

"Well, you're rather...perky this morning," he noted with amusement as she got on the elevator.

"You were wrong," she announced with a grin. "She woke up. She's awake, she came off the vent last night, she's opening her eyes...she's great. Amazing. And did I mention you were wrong?"

"Go ahead, rub it in," Derek said. He wanted to remind her that Ella was still at risk for further bleeds, strokes, and infection, but bit his tongue and let her revel in the baby's improvement. "I'm glad. Believe me, in situations like this I'm more than happy to be proven wrong, and I hope she continues to improve."

"Thanks." She continued on to the NICU in time to catch rounds. "So, everything okay overnight?"

"She had a few apneic spells, but nothing major. She's holding her own," Alex announced, clearly pleased.

"And I already spoke with speech, she'll be going for a swallow study later this morning," Nicole added.

"You are amazing, you know that?" Addison cooed at Ella as she swaddled the baby and picked her up. "Yes, you are, and mommy's so proud of you." She sat with Ella until it was time for the swallow evaluation, then waited anxiously for the results. When the time came, she sat around a table with Nicole, Alex, and James Dillon, the speech pathologist.

"Okay, so I have the results of the test," James said to begin the discussion. "As of right now, she has a very weak suck, and she tires easily. More importantly, though, she is not coordinating her breathing and swallowing at all, and, as such, is at a high risk for aspiration, so for the time being she is not to take anything by mouth."

Addison sighed. "Yeah, that's about what I figured from last night."

"We will work with her on a daily basis, starting today, to build up her strength and coordination, and we'll reevaluate in a week. Any questions?"

Addison shook her head; with all her years of experience, she pretty much knew what to expect. "No, I don't think so."

"Okay, well, if you do think of anything, don't be afraid to call. I'll see you around."

She started to get up once James was gone, but Nicole stopped her. "Addison, wait. While you're here, there is something else we should discuss. I think now is a good time to put in a G tube," she stated. Addison just groaned and buried her face in her hands. "Addison, you know the NG tube isn't meant to be a long-term solution. It's going to be a while - a couple of months, _at the very least_ \- before she's able to take everything by mouth. It's a very simple procedure. She'll be out in an hour, the recovery time is minimal, and it will be a lot safer and more comfortable."

"I know. I just...why can't _anything_ be normal? I would just like to be able to do one normal thing with my daughter. The _only_ thing I've been able to do for her is feed her, and now I can't even do that!"

"You've been pumping for her since her last surgery. That's _great_ for her, and you can keep doing that until she's ready to nurse again. And just being there - holding her, talking to her - makes a world of difference. You know that. I know it seems like a step in the wrong direction when all you want is to get her out of here, but don't let it get you down. Don't give up. Okay?"

Addison stared blankly ahead, her voice flat when she answered. "Yeah." Of course she'd known from the start that Ella might have long-term issues from the brain bleed, but she'd managed to maintain a spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, she might escape unscathed; the prospect of placing what very well may be a permanent feeding tube effectively snuffed that spark out.

Nicole left and Alex slid into the chair next to Addison. "Add, don't be like that. It's not the end of the world. It's _nothing._ A walk in the park compared to what she's already been through. She's gonna get through this so just hang in there." He reached over to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear, only to have her swat his hand away.

"I want her to come home. I want her to be happy and healthy. I don't want her to have _another_ surgery. I don't want to hear that there's _another_ thing wrong with her, and I don't want to _look on the bright side_ , or _keep my fucking head up_ , okay? So can I have a minute to wallow here, to not be all bright and shiny? Is that alright?"

Alex got up and stormed to the door. "Yeah, it's fine." He gave one last glance back at her and returned to the NICU; as much as he wanted to console her, he knew there wasn't much to do when she got like this.

Addison sat for a few more minutes before getting up and wandering out of room. Eventually she found herself outside. It was rather chilly, being the beginning of March, but not raining. She stood with her back to the building, the crisp air clearing her mind, for nearly an hour before deciding it was time to go back to Ella. She found Alex rocking Ella and talking softly to her.

"Hey."

"Hey." He glanced up from the baby to see her staring at him, looking a bit sheepish. "Better now?"

"Yeah, I think so." She moved behind him and peered over his shoulder at her daughter's tiny face. Ella was awake, but calm and content in his arms. "You were on call last night. You should be home right now."

"Yeah, well, my little buddy thought mommy needed a break and asked me to hang out for a while."

She straightened up and ran her fingers through his hair. "You're too good for mommy. Mommy doesn't deserve you." Her tone was light, but she was only half joking. Alex was a good guy - a really, really good guy - but she was so often bitchy, crazy, and downright rude, and she had to wonder how much longer could she expect him to put up with her?

He got to his feet slowly and turned to face her. "That's not true. You deserve way more than this. Not that I'm complaining." He flashed that trademark Karev smirk to let her know all was forgiven and placed Ella in her arms before leaning in for a quick kiss. "I'm outta here. Don't stay too late."

 **Okay, I'm not thrilled with this. I feel like things are dragging a bit (Agree? Disagree? Am I bogging you down with too much medical stuff? Anything you want to see more - or less - of? Let me know what you think.) and the next chapter - which might even go up tomorrow - will start skipping ahead a little.**


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